REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[Tim Frazer]

Do we give Texas back to Mexico?  I am in Illinois.  I guess that makes me
French.  Or better yet, Mesquaqui (sp?).  They were here ahead of the
French.

----- Original Message -----
From: Rudolph C Troike <rtroike at U.ARIZONA.EDU>
To: <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
Sent: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 9:34 PM
Subject: REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE


> This just in:
>
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> > What was that about being a laughing stock?
> >
> >
> > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> >
> > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> >
> > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> > independence, effective today.
> >
> > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> over
> > all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which she
> > does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP,
for
> > the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> > outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
need
> > for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A
> > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
you
> > noticed.
> >
> > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> Rules
> > are introduced with immediate effect:
> >
> > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then
> > look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> at
> > just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> raise
> > your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> same
> > twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
"you
> > know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Look up
> > "interspersed".
> >
> > 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
on
> > your behalf.
> >
> > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
It
> > really isn't that hard.
> >
> > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> > good guys.
> >
> > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
Queen",
> > but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> > confused and give up half way through.
> >
> >  6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
> of
> > football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> > game.  The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
You
> > will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> > football.  Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It
> is
> > a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
to
> > play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
involve
> > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> armour
> > like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> > side by 2005.
> >
> > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> > they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
there
> > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> Russians
> > have never been the bad guys.
> >
> > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 7th will be a new
> > national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> Day".
> >
> > 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
your
> > own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
mean.
> >
> > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
> >
> > Thank you for your cooperation.
> >
> >