White Trash Russian, Poor Man's Margarita, Muddy Bottom, Colt Python

Bapopik at AOL.COM Bapopik at AOL.COM
Sat Jul 17 16:52:18 UTC 2004

I couldn't get the free column through www.metro.us, so I'll have to type it
out. The METRO article appears to be a reprint of something written in the
COLLEGE TIMES, September 15, 2003. Both articles begin "On a dare last


METRO (NY), weekend, July 16-18, 2004

_Poor-man mixers you can stomach_

ON A DARE last weekend, The Imbiber tried something called a "_White-trash
Russian_": A dreadful combination of Bowman's Virginia vodka and Yoo-Hoo. I'm
almost certain it did some irreparable damage to my stomach lining and, quite
possibly, the central nervous system. (...)

"The '_Poor Man's Magarita_'--tequila and Squirt--is a popular one out west,"
says former GQ mixologist Terry Sullivan. "And in some eastern cities, large
parties used to get by on "_Purple Passions_'--Welch's grape juice and grain
alcohol. But I hear that '_Blue Lagoons_'--whatever that blue sports drink crap
is plus grain alcohol--have recently supplanted them in some circles."

Cash-strapped drunks in Chicago swear by "_Muddy Bottoms_," a potent
combination of Green River "gourmet" soda and cheap bourbon. I've heard that during
the great urine test scare a few years back, some less-than-tasteful folks in
New York used to serve a lovely thing called "_Pee in the Bottle_"--Mouuntain
Dew and vodka or Everclear in plastic specimen cups. Warm--for verisimilitude.

Some of the curb-sitters in my old neighborhodd used to specialize in what
was known as the "_Colt Python_," by adding a couple of shots of whatever cheap
blended whiskey was on sale at the state store to a half-quart of Colt 45 malt

WHITE TRASH RUSSIAN--35 Google hits, 6 Google Groups hits
POOR MAN'S MARGARITA--21 Google hits, 6 Google Groups hits
PURPLE PASSIONS + GRAPE JUICE--6 Google hits, 0 Google Groups hits
PURPLE PASSION + GRAPE JUICE--426 Google hits, 90 Google Groups hits
BLUE LAGOONS + SPORTS DRINK--1 Google hit, 0 Google Groups hits
MUDDY BOTTOMS + GREEN RIVER + SODA--1 Google hit, 0 Google Groups hits
PEE IN THE BOTTLE + MOUNTAIN DEW--7 Google hits, 6 Google Groups hits
PEE IN A BOTTLE + MOUNTAIN DEW--15 Google hits, 2 Google Groups hits
COLT PYTHON + COLT 45 MALT + WHISKEY--1 Google hit, 0 Google Groups hits


The Metro article cuts out this continuation, available on the College Times

Of course, trying to cop a load on the cheap anywhere these days can be a
daunting task. Still, there are other worthwhile imbiberly pursuits to keep you
occupied during these long, hot dog days of Arizona's extended summer. For many
years now, I've regularly indulged my mischievous inner-child by ordering
cocktails with such provocative names as Sex On The Beach (a Madras, with peach
schnapps) and Slippery Nipple (Bailey's, Kahlua and butterscotch schnapps).
Some of the most superbly sublime moments in my illustrious nightlife career have
involved tomfoolery along the lines of roguishly asking attractive
barmistresses for a Long Kiss Goodnight (vanilla vodka and cr?me de cacao) or Their
Phone Number (a scowl and a double-shot of cold rejection served straight-up).

And silly sexual innuendo isn't the only fun to be had when ordering drinks
when you're at the bar instead of, say, at home, studying. In fact, a brand new
vodka from Holland could be the greatest thing to happen to smart-asses since
the invention of plastic dog shit and whoopee cushions. It's called Effen,
and it is pronounced precisely as it's spelled. As in, "Hey bartender, can I get
some Effen vodka in this drink?" or "This is the best Effen vodka I've ever
tasted" or "Man, when are the Effen Cardinals gonna' do the right thing by us
and move to Los Angeles?"

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