"I'm the boss, applesauce. Understand, rubber band?" (Children's rhymes)

Jonathan Lighter wuxxmupp2000 at YAHOO.COM
Thu Feb 17 15:28:06 UTC 2005

"Why don't you take a long walk off a short pier?"  NYC kid, 1963

"Don't get wise, Beady-Eyes."   NYC kid, 1960

Bapopik at AOL.COM wrote:
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Sender: American Dialect Society
Poster: Bapopik at AOL.COM
Subject: "I'm the boss, applesauce. Understand, rubber band?" (Children's

The following book is just wonderful. There are lots of wonderful
expressions to trace. Oxford's quotations/phrase/fable books never include this. I
don't know what Fred Shapiro might include, but there's a Yale rhyme here. I'll
do the database searches on another post.
by Mary and Herbert Knapp
New York: W. W. Norton & Co., Inc.
Pg. 63:
Don't give me no lip, Potato Chip.
Shut up, Ketchup.
I'm the boss, Applesauce.
It's your fault, Garlic Salt.
Don't get wise, Bubble-eyes.
Pg. 64:
You're cruisin' for a bruisin'.
Understand, Rubber band?
Yes, I do, Tennis Shoe.
Be like a banana and split.
Be like dandruff and flake off.
Be like a tree and leave.
Be like a ghost and vanish.
Be like a bee and buzz off.
Take a long walk off a short pier.
Go jump in a lake.
Be like a baby and head out.
Be like a hockey player and get the puck out of here.
Pg. 84:
We can, we can, we know we can,
We can, we can, we must.
We can, we can, we know we can,
Increase our bust.
Pg. 85:
We must, we must,
Increase our bust.
The bigger the better,
The tighter the sweater,
The boys like you better,
And so we must.
Pg. 93:
What starts with _f_ and ends with _c-k_?
Firetruck, you dummy, what'd you think it was?
Tell them to say, "I'm not the sheet slitter, I'm the sheet slitter's son,
but I'll slit your sheets till the sheet slitter comes."
Pg. 105:
What did the mother bullet say to the father bullet?
We're going to have a bee-bee.
Pg. 106:
What's S.T.P.?
Sticky toilet paper.
What made Miss Tomato turn red?
She saw Mister Green pea.
What's six inches long and has two nuts?
An almond bar.
Pg. 140:
My name is _Alice; my husband's name is _Al_;
We live in _Alabama_; and we sell _apples_. (Alphabet verses--ed.)
Pg. 141:
One, two, three a nation,
I received my confirmation
On this day of declaration,
One, two, three a nation.
Pg. 150: Contemporary children play both traditional and modern versions of
Rise, Sally, Rise.
Pg. 153:
Remember Grant,
Remember Lee,
To hell with them,
Remember me.
Pg. 154:
I auto cry,
I auto laugh,
I auto sign,
My autograph.
Roses are red,
Flowers are blue,
Your mother is pretty,
What happened to you?
[Or "What you need is a goof shampoo."]
I saw you in the ocean,
I saw you in the sea,
I saw you in the bathtub--
Oops, pardon me.
By the sewer I lived,
By the sewer I died,
They called it a murder,
But it was sewer-cide.
Pg. 155:
Some kiss under a lily,
Somme kiss under a rose,
But the best place to kiss a boy,
Is right under his nose.
Pg. 162:
Comet, it makes your teeth turn green,
Comet, it tastes like gasoline [or "Listerine," "Vaseline"],
Comet, it makes you vomit,
So buy some Comet and vomit today!
Pg. 163:
McDonald's is your kind of place;
They serve you rattlesnakes,
Hot dogs up your nose,
French fries between your toes,
And don't forget those chocolate shakes,
They're from polluted eggs,
McDonald's is your kind of place;
The last time that I was there,
They stole my underwear,
I really didn't care,
They were a dirty pair.
The next time that you go there,
They'll serve my underwear.
McDonald's is your kind of place.
Pg. 165:
Pepsi-Cola went to town,
Coca-Cola shot him down,
Dr. Pepper dixed him up,
While drinking a bottle of Seven-Up.
Pg. 183: I love you bit, I love you mighty,
O wish your pajamas were next to my nightie.
Now don't get excited, now don't lose your head,
I mean on the clothesline instead of in bed.
Pg. 185:
I see London, I see France,
I see _Betsy's_ underpants.
They ain't green, they ain't blue,
They're just filled with number two.
Tarzan swings, Tarzan falls,
Tarzan lands right on his balls.
Pg. 188:
Old MacDonald sittin' on a fence,
Hittin' his knee with a monkey wrench,
Missed his knee and cracked his balls,
Pissed all over his overalls.
We'll take your pants away,
And while you're standing there,
We'll take your underwear!
I don't go out with girls any more,
I don't intend to marry.
I just do out with boys I adore,
Oops! I'm a fairy.
Pg. 195:
Three little Negroes dressed in white,
Wanted to go to Harvard on the tail of a kite,
The kite string broke and down they fell.
They didn't go to Harvard, they went to...
Now don't get excited, don't turn pale,
They didn't go to Harvard, they went to Yale.
(Michigan, 1961)
Pg. 198: Chin conh Chinaman...
Pg. 199:
"Do you like cheese?"
"You're a dirty Japanese."
Pg. 202:
Holy Moses, King of the Jews
Wiped his ass on the _Daily News_.
The paper was thin
And what a fine mess the king was in.
Pg. 203:
Roses are red,
Violets are bluish,
If it weren't for Christmas,
We'd all be Jewish.
Pg. 213:
The Addams family started
When Uncle Fester [or "Henry"] farted.
I think they're all retarded,
["They all came out retarded,"]
The Addams fam-il-y.
[Two farting noises follow.]
Pg. 215:
Beans, beans are good for your heart.
The more you eat, the more you fart.
The more you fart, the better you feel,
So eat beans for every meal.
Beans, beans are a musical fruit.
The more you eat, the more you toot.
The more you toot, the better you feel,
So eat beans for every meal.
Pg. 222:
Trick for treat,
Smell my feet,
Give me something good to eat!
Pg. 223:
April Fool, go to school,
Tell your teacher she's a fool.
If she slaps you, don't you cry.
Take your books and say, "Good-by!"

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