"Can / May I ask you a question?"

[Benjamin Barrett]

I sympathize with this. On the other hand, people at the bus stop who
cannot say "Excuse me" but just blurt out "What time is it?" annoy me
greatly.

There are important reasons for prefacing a question with something
else. In the case of a library, the question politely indicates a
request for information that may impose a burden on the interlocutor
and includes recognition that the other person's time is important or
that the question is of particular importance to the asker.

What wording is preferred? BB

On Nov 30, 2008, at 4:28 PM, David Gignilliat wrote:

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> Sender:       American Dialect Society <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
> Poster:       David Gignilliat <uvadavidg at GMAIL.COM>
> Subject:      Re: "Can / May I ask you a question?"
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> Good post.  Make that two people that are regularly annoyed by
> this . My
> mother does this all the time, usually right before she starts
> asking me
> about my love life or for a huge favor. I've thought about jokingly
> saying
> no, but (like you said) you're already past that point technically ...
>
> alas
>
> On Sun, Nov 30, 2008 at 4:44 PM, Wilson Gray <hwgray at gmail.com> wrote:
>
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>> Sender:       American Dialect Society <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
>> Poster:       Wilson Gray <hwgray at GMAIL.COM>
>> Subject:      "Can / May I ask you a question?"
>>
>> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>>
>> When I held a service position - the only kind that there is in a
>> library, according to the American Library Association - in Widener
>> Library, often, patrons would ask me
>>
>> "Can / May I ask you a question?"
>>
>> That used to drive me *crazy*! How is it that people can have brains
>> so weirdly wired as not to be able to understand that, when you ask a
>> person whether you can ask him a question, you are, by that very act,
>> asking him a question, regardless of whether he is willing to allow
>> you to ask him a question?!! WTF?! The person asked that question has
>> no choice but to say yes. There's no way that he can tell someone
>> that
>> has already asked him a question that he *can't* / *may'nt* ask him a
>> question when he's already asked him a question by asking him whether
>> he can ask him a question! It's a nasty trap that there's no way get
>> out of.
>>
>> I sometimes tried to point out to people who asked me whether they
>> could ask me a question that they had already asked me a question by
>> asking me whether they could ask me a question. Hence, the person's
>> request for permission to do what he had already done by the very act
>> of requesting permission to do it was necessarily, in some sense that
>> i lack the knowledge to specify, WRONG! But they never understood.
>> They would smile and agree with me, but I knew that they were only
>> jollying me.
>>
>> Sigh! Perhaps I'm the only person in the English-speaking world who
>> is
>> bothered by this, but
>>
>> AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
>>
>> -Wilson
>>
>> All say, "How hard it is that we have to die"---a strange complaint
>> to
>> come from the mouths of people who have had to live.
>> -----
>> -Mark Twain
>>
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>
>
> --
> David K. Gignilliat
> Woodbridge, VA
> 703-217-4380
> http://quixoticawords.blogspot.com
>
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