Millionaire Matchmaker

[Jonathan Lighter]

In the spirit of the Bad Girls Club, I present the following items from
Bravo's higher-class reality series.  Shrewd Matchmaker Patti is our first
speaker:

"David looks like a pasty manorexic who fell out of a Tim Burton movie."
[Male anorexic.]

"You are a punk! A Brooklyn no-name f****n' punk!" ["No-name" means
contemptible.]

"If they're not perfect, they're not going to live in your world." [Be fully
acceptable to you.]

"New York women don't bring the feminine."  [They don't show or convey it
prominently - unlike LA women.]

"Getting a guy like him to get rid of his bromance is the hardest thing."
[His overly close friendship with his bros.]

"[Prominent millionaires] always attract the girl who's the fame whore."
[She fawns on and puts out for famous people.]

Here's a Brooklyn Jewish lady, age about 25:

"He looks like a shikse, but he's really a Jew."  [A gentile guy.]

And a thirty-year-old, white male Brooklyn millionaire:

"I like to really blow it out, have a good time, get drunk." [He likes to
"get down."]

"What's your scene when you're not working?" [Your preferences, usual
activities, "bag" as we once said.]

"I wanna do some sake bombs."  ["Depth charges" but with sake.]

"We crush it everywhere we go." [Make a big impression.]

"I'm lookin' for a girl with junk in her trunk, Kardashian-style." [Large
posteriors, from a long-celebrated hip-hop song.]

"They're my peoples [sic], and I want her to meet them."  [His bros.]

Thirtyish gay guy:

"Greenpoint is a really cute area."  [Pleasant. In the late '70s I heard a
gay guy say, "It's really a cute day out.']

BONUS SOPHISTICATION INDICATOR:

The show featured a commercial for something expensive whose score included
a guy crooning, "You got me circling like the moon around the sun!"


JL




--
"If the truth is half as bad as I think it is, you can't handle the truth."

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