(fairly) new (but unlisted) "benefits"

Fri Aug 5 15:26:05 UTC 2011

The 1997 disputed by Jesse does seems a bit
ambiguous, like all personal relationships.  But
surely sex is offered in addition to the
friendship, and as for sleeping with on occasion,
the promise is only for the spring and summer?  :-)

(But there are possible instances, from a little later --

(1)  2000 --

"Amber If I was you, I'd get a boyfriend and have
a real relationship because having a friend with
benefits can get very confusing. [apparently
signed]  ramalama [Next message] i don't want
sex to get in the way I've been seeing this girl
for two years now  I've really ... "

This Book is about sex, by Tucker Shaw, Fiona
Gibb, [New York:] Alloy Books, 2000, p.
26.  Snippet.  Publication data confirmed via WorldCat.

(2)  2001 --

"Maybe I would take this better if I weren't so
upset about Grampa. But Glenda--it's Jason. I was
an idiot." She covered her face in her hands.
"He's been cheating on me. It's over.'

"What?"cried Glenda ... "Did you just find this out last night?"

Aggie nodded and lowered her hands, turning her
tear-drenched face towards Glenda. "I hear him on
the phone. Oh God ... he was talking to some old
ex-girlfriend back in Port. A friend with
benefits. That's what he said she was."

"That asshole," growled Glenda. "So you talked to him?"

"Yes, I was on his porch and I fell down and he
heard me and came out. He told me--" Aggie
paused, wiping her face with her hands. "He told
me he'd never claimed to be exclusive. That I had
a completely different idea of the relationship. Which obviously I did."

Aggie's Nine Heroes, by Diana Laurence,
2001.  Page unnumbered?  Preview available.  Not
in WorldCat.  Four available at Amazon.com, whose
cover illustration indicates published by
Kiva.  Does that make the year suspicious?

Two other quotations around this time seem
ambiguous, and might better fit Jesse's classification.  From 2002 --

(3)  "... might find a best friend with benefits.
Don't you think being different is hard enough
without saying your nasty stuff? Everywhere they
go, they get dirt thrown in their face. So much
hurt that can never be erased. ... "

Fancy Flight, by Karen A. Davies, 2002, p.
35.  Preview available; the added context may be
useful to someone better than I.

(4)  "Aaron Rudner, my first best friend ...
Jennifer Michals, my best friend with benefits.
Thank you for sharing your heart, your humor,
your strong support, your patience, and your vision."

[Note the distinction between "best friend" and "best friend with benefits."]

Fireworks MX fundamentals, by Abigail Rudner,
Lori Denning, 2002, p. xxv.  [From Acknowledgements.]  Preview available.

There are many instances starting in 2003 that I
think would clearly indicate casual sex.

Joel

At 8/5/2011 10:43 AM, Jesse Sheidlower wrote:
>On Fri, Aug 05, 2011 at 10:37:55AM -0400, Joel S. Berson wrote:
> >
> > Successively telling GBooks Advanced Search to
> > search before xxxx for "[best] friend[s] with
> > benefits" (quoted; all 4 combinations) arrives at
> > just 9 hits before Dec 31, 2003, the earliest of
> > which (that appears relevant) is alleged to be
> > Apr 21, 1997, in New York Magazine, Vol. 30, No.
> > 15, page 106, a personal ad (a believable source, surely):
> >
> > "Wanted: Best Friend With Benefits I'm an
> > outgoing, fun, family-oriented 33-year-old (hell
> > of a catch), with a lot to offer.
> > Nonanorexic-looking Jewish female, living in
> > central NJ. I have a lot of plans for the spring
> > and summer ... I realized I was missing the
> > special guy to share the good times with. You
> > should be 31-40, just a bit romantic, ...
>
>But in context this looks like it means 'committed romantic/sexual
>partner who is also a close friend', i.e. emphasizing the fact that the
>advertiser is looking for someone who will be not only a lover but also
>a close friend. She's not just looking for a friend to sleep with on
>occasion.
>
>Jesse Sheidlower
>OED
>
>------------------------------------------------------------
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