"The Restless Cheese"

Joel S. Berson Berson at ATT.NET
Sun Oct 30 12:53:49 UTC 2011

No, not an Australian soap opera.  Or the Sandra Dee movie that
Wikipedia doesn't seem care about.  But that on the shelves at Trader
Joe's, uneasy after all those years in dark caves, and compelled to
confirm the truth that "the cheese stands alone".  I can see them
every night, after all the tropical-shirted employees have left for
the day, hopping down from the shelves, scattering themselves on the
floor, getting as far away from each other as possible, and standing
lonely but erect.  (With the power of palm computers these days -- or
nights -- the best arrangement can be determined
algorithmically.)  Early the next morning, select employees arrive to
replace the cheeses on the shelves.  But in the rush to complete
their task, the cheeses are put back in the first convenient spots,
after which the various signs are moved about to label them correctly.

But who would want to buy, let alone eat, a cheese that had grown restless?

Composed while contemplating snow

At 10/30/2011 12:33 AM, Michael McKernan wrote:
>On Sat, Oct 29, 2011 at 7:18 PM, Laurence Horn <laurence.horn at yale.edu>wrote:
> > ...because, well, the cheese just gets restless.  And the crackers, and
> > the chocolate bars, and the cereals.
> >
>Wait a minute!  A central tenet of my upbringing (and perhaps the only
>proof that I had one) is that:
>"The cheese stands alone!"
>Thousands of observations appear to confirm this dictum, so don't go
>lumping the cheese together with "the crackers, and the chocolate bars, and
>the cereals," no matter how these, or any other commodities, may wander.
>If you persist in such unwarranted conglomeration, I may be left with no
>upbringing at all, upon which to hang my hat.
>Any perceived mobility of the cheese is much more likely to be due to the
>regular maintenance required to preserve its splendid isolation, than
>anything like "restless"-ness.  Other products very possibly may not rest
>in peace, but I repeat that only:
>"The cheese stands alone!"
>Michael McKernan
>Benson, Arizona
>The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org

The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org

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