"The Restless Cheese"

Laurence Horn laurence.horn at YALE.EDU
Sun Oct 30 13:51:35 UTC 2011

In my experience, they all move en masse.  And none of them are all that smelly. I think they just get lonely (especially the blue ones), so after nobody adopts them from their old location, they relocate with the dream that someone will notice them and bring them home.


On Oct 30, 2011, at 9:13 AM, paul johnson wrote:

> paul johnson
> Are they moving because they can't stand the smell? I mean, who wants to
> live near the Limburger factory?
> On 10/30/2011 7:53 AM, Joel S. Berson wrote:
>> No, not an Australian soap opera.  Or the Sandra Dee movie that
>> Wikipedia doesn't seem care about.  But that on the shelves at Trader
>> Joe's, uneasy after all those years in dark caves, and compelled to
>> confirm the truth that "the cheese stands alone".  I can see them
>> every night, after all the tropical-shirted employees have left for
>> the day, hopping down from the shelves, scattering themselves on the
>> floor, getting as far away from each other as possible, and standing
>> lonely but erect.  (With the power of palm computers these days -- or
>> nights -- the best arrangement can be determined
>> algorithmically.)  Early the next morning, select employees arrive to
>> replace the cheeses on the shelves.  But in the rush to complete
>> their task, the cheeses are put back in the first convenient spots,
>> after which the various signs are moved about to label them correctly.
>> But who would want to buy, let alone eat, a cheese that had grown
>> restless?
>> Joel
>> Composed while contemplating snow
>> At 10/30/2011 12:33 AM, Michael McKernan wrote:
>>> On Sat, Oct 29, 2011 at 7:18 PM, Laurence Horn
>>> <laurence.horn at yale.edu>wrote:
>>> > ...because, well, the cheese just gets restless.  And the crackers,
>>> and
>>> > the chocolate bars, and the cereals.
>>> >
>>> Wait a minute!  A central tenet of my upbringing (and perhaps the only
>>> proof that I had one) is that:
>>> "The cheese stands alone!"
>>> Thousands of observations appear to confirm this dictum, so don't go
>>> lumping the cheese together with "the crackers, and the chocolate
>>> bars, and
>>> the cereals," no matter how these, or any other commodities, may wander.
>>> If you persist in such unwarranted conglomeration, I may be left with no
>>> upbringing at all, upon which to hang my hat.
>>> Any perceived mobility of the cheese is much more likely to be due to
>>> the
>>> regular maintenance required to preserve its splendid isolation, than
>>> anything like "restless"-ness.  Other products very possibly may not
>>> rest
>>> in peace, but I repeat that only:
>>> "The cheese stands alone!"
>>> Michael McKernan
>>> Benson, Arizona
>>> ------------------------------------------------------------
>>> The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org
>> ------------------------------------------------------------
>> The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org
> --
> "Logic is the enemy of faith"
> ------------------------------------------------------------
> The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org

The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org

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