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<p><br>
Hi Mike,<br>
<br>
Good work there on your translation! By way of answer, I've just had<br>
a go at the first verse and chorus of "Commonwealth of Toil" with some<br>
rhyme, of sorts... I started from scratch, but I particularly liked<br>
your idea of using the word 'bota' to form Commonwealth, so I<br>
*borrowed* that, except that I made it a compound 'gamainbota'<wbr>, to cut<br>
down on syllables for the sake of the meter. Grammar tip: 'gamains'<br>
is an i-stem adjective, so it inserts a -j- before oblique case<br>
endings, e.g. 'gamainjos botos' "of common profit". Also, go<br>
sparingly with the definite article in Gothic. 'sa' is used much less<br>
than Modern English 'the', more like English 'that' or 'this'.<br>
<br>
Re. the comments in my previous post, I'm not sure where I got that<br>
idea from about Proto-Germanic /xw/ > /h/ before /u/. Gothic has<br>
'sehvum' and 'fairhvus', anyway. Fick-Falk-Torp has PGmc. *hvehvula-,<br>
dat. hvehv(u)lé; so that might be the source of the Old English<br>
gemination /h/ > /hh/. Not sure... Anyway, for now, I've gone with<br>
Ualarauans' suggested voiceless form 'hvaihvul'. Here's what I came<br>
up with. A literal back-translation into English follows, so you can<br>
see how far I twisted it.<br>
<br>
> Commonwealth of Toil<br>
> <br>
> by Ralph Chaplin<br>
> <br>
> In the gloom of mighty cities<br>
> mid the roar of whirling wheels<br>
> we are toiling on like chattel slaves of old.<br>
> And our masters ever seek<br>
> to keep us thus beneath their feet<br>
> and to coin our very life-blood into gold.<br>
<br>
In baurgim mikilaim mairqjaim,<br>
in midjaim hvaihvulam hvairbaim,<br>
weis þulam swe þiujos faur jera þreihsl inu dulþ.<br>
Jah fraujos sinteino sokjand<br>
uns sagqjan uf seinans fotuns<br>
jah us unsaramma bloþa taujan gulþ.<br>
<br>
In great murky cities, amid ?whirling wheels, we suffer, like<br>
slaves/servants years ago, tribulation without a holiday. And [our]<br>
masters forever seek to make us sink beneath their feet, and from our<br>
blood to make gold.<br>
<br>
> Chorus:<br>
> But we have a glowing dream<br>
> of how fair the world will seem<br>
> when we each can live our lives secure and free -<br>
> when the earth is owned by labor<br>
> and there's joy and peace for all<br>
> in the commonwealth of toil that is to be.<br>
<br>
Iþ uns draumeiþ skeinands draums,<br>
hvaiwa wairþiþ sa fairhvus skauns,<br>
þan liban mag unsara hvarjizuh arns jah freis,<br>
þanei waurstwjans airþa aihand,<br>
jah gawairþi jah faheþs uns þlaihand<br>
in gamainbotai arbaidais samana allai weis.<br>
<br>
But we dream a shining dream, how fair this world will be when each of<br>
us can live secure and free, when all we workers own the earth, and<br>
peace and joy will comfort us, together in the commonwealth of toil.<br>
____________<wbr>_________<wbr>_________<wbr>_________<wbr>_________<wbr>_________<wbr>_<br>
<br>
A bit ragged, I'm afraid... There must be a way to improve on my<br>
attempt at the first verse. If we think of a way to fit in the<br>
wheels' roar, we could maybe use 'drunjus' or 'hrops'. Instead of 'in<br>
midjaim' you could have 'in midumai', 'ana midumai', or swap it for a<br>
simple preposition to reduce syllables: '?uf/?faura/<wbr>?miþ hvairbandane<br>
hvaihvule drunjau'.<br>
<br>
Llama Nom<br>
<br>
--- In <a href="mailto:gothic-l%40yahoogroups.com">gothic-l@yahoogroup<wbr>s.com</a>, Michael Erwin <merwin@...> wrote:<br>
><br>
> I mentioned before my efforts to translate labor-movement songs into <br>
> Gothic - however anachronistic they may be. I paraphrase-translat<wbr>ed <br>
> the first verse and chorus of Ralph Chaplin's "Commonwealth of Toil" <br>
> tonight. I'm not very good at this but practice makes ... better.<br>
> <br>
> Commonwealth of Toil<br>
> <br>
> by Ralph Chaplin<br>
> <br>
> In the gloom of mighty cities<br>
> mid the roar of whirling wheels<br>
> we are toiling on like chattel slaves of old.<br>
> And our masters ever seek<br>
> to keep us thus beneath their feet<br>
> and to coin our very life-blood into gold.<br>
> <br>
> In sa skadus baurgim mikilaim<br>
> miþ *hjulam *ƕirandam<br>
> arbaidjam samana skalkos aiwe sineiga.<br>
> Jah unsar reikos lustand<br>
> du haban uns atbrukjanda<br>
> jah du *maunetan unsar bloþ du gulda.<br>
> <br>
> Chorus:<br>
> But we have a glowing dream<br>
> of how fair the world will seem<br>
> when we each can live our lives secure and free -<br>
> when the earth is owned by labor<br>
> and there's joy and peace for all<br>
> in the commonwealth of toil that is to be.<br>
> <br>
> Þan habam *glaujand draum af<br>
> ƕaiwa haila airþai wairþiþ<br>
> ƕan ains jah alls skulum libam in friþau -<br>
> ƕan gawaurstwans aigun airþa<br>
> miþ leikainai jah freihala<br>
> in þizos gamainons botos gawaurtswane.<br>
> <br>
> (remaining verses not yet translated)<br>
> <br>
> Okay, the first verse is much more literal than the chorus. I <br>
> couldn't find any suitable common-Germanic root for either roar or <br>
> whirl - the former is only attested in West-Germanic and the latter <br>
> is first attested in North-Germanic - but decided that they were <br>
> better than nothing (I ultimately chose WG "howl" over WG "roar"). <br>
> The other biggies were "coin," "glow," and, of course, "commonwealth.<wbr>"<br>
> <br>
> (I wanted to avoid trying the ones with lines like "with one big <br>
> industrial union" for the time being).<br>
> <br>
> To make the meter more-or-less hang together (the syllable count <br>
> should work but the rhythm won't), I subbed "in friþau" for "secure <br>
> and free" - and subbed "freihala" for "peace" two lines later. Also <br>
> dropped "that is to be."<br>
> <br>
> Mike<br>
><br>
<br>
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