General Motors Purchases Indian Languages (fwd)

[Phil Cash Cash]

General Motors Purchases Indian Languages
http://www.watleyreview.com/2003/072903-2.html

 General Motors (GM) has announced the purchase of exclusive rights to
the entire Algonquian language family, including such well-known
tongues as Cheyenne, Cree, and Mohican, in a $1.6 billion dollar deal.

 "We are confident that this acquisition will benefit both the peoples
who speak these languages and GM," said company spokesman Karl
Hennessey.  "This is truly a rare win-win situation."

 GM acquired the languages in an apparent effort to secure the rights to
potentially thousands of cool-sounding names for automobiles. With one
of the least creative management structures in the automotive industry,
GM has for years produced cars with increasingly lame names that have
hurt sales.

 "The problem is almost everything is getting used up," GM Vice Chairman
Bob Lutz told Reuters recently. "If you have a good name, it can help.
I've seen a lot of stupid names in my life."  These would presumably
include the 2003 Buick GoThing, the 2002 GM Pustule, and the 2003
Oldsmobile Scab.

 By purchasing exclusive rights to an Amerindian language family which
includes over 30 different languages, GM is hoping to counter similar
efforts by competing companies such as DaimlerChrysler, which recently
purchased Portuguese.

 "The GM arrangement is very generous," said Bureau of Indian Affairs
(BIA) Secretary Gerald Howton.  "It permits the tribes to continue
using the languages free of charge through 2030, after which point, if
there are any surviving native speakers, they can continue to use the
language under attractive subscription terms."  Any names which GM
adopts as automobile names will be removed from eligibility, but GM has
agreed to provide a list of no fewer than three synonyms for any word
removed from circulation.

 "This is incredibly insulting," said Powhatan tribal elder Mark Matoaka
before scaring this reporter away with stern glances.

 "The BIA will do everything it can to ensure that the funds from GM are
distributed fairly and equitably," said Howton.  "Our record speaks for
itself."