14.1119, All: MaLingua - Important News for LINGUISTS

LINGUIST List linguist at linguistlist.org
Wed Apr 16 17:33:45 UTC 2003

LINGUIST List:  Vol-14-1119. Wed Apr 16 2003. ISSN: 1068-4875.

Subject: 14.1119, All: MaLingua - Important News for LINGUISTS

Moderators: Anthony Aristar, Wayne State U.<aristar at linguistlist.org>
            Helen Dry, Eastern Michigan U. <hdry at linguistlist.org>

Reviews (reviews at linguistlist.org):
	Simin Karimi, U. of Arizona
	Terence Langendoen, U. of Arizona

Home Page:  http://linguistlist.org/

The LINGUIST List is funded by Eastern Michigan University, Wayne
State University, and donations from subscribers and publishers.

Editor for this issue: Richard John Harvey <richard at linguistlist.org>
To post to LINGUIST, use our convenient web form at


Date:  16 Apr 2003 17:20:24 -0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  Publishers Join LINGUIST List Loyals - Only $1795.43 Needed!

Date:  16 Apr 2003 17:25:58 -0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  LINGUIST Cook Online Fight Back! - But Public Opinion Wanes

Date:  Wed, 16 Apr 2003 13:26:46 +0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  How to Donate and the LINGUIST List Hall of Fame

-------------------------------- Message 1 -------------------------------

Date:  16 Apr 2003 17:20:24 -0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  Publishers Join LINGUIST List Loyals - Only $1795.43 Needed!

		*** MaLingua 2003 ***
		   16th April 2003

~To read MaLingua online, and see the photos, visit:

Publishers Join LINGUIST List Loyals

Only $1795.43 Needed!

Shocking news reached the MaLingua desk this morning that LINGUIST
List moderators and a few loyal users would not be the only ones
joining in the Fight against Food. Publishers have decided to
retaliate against the recent LINGUIST List takeover by the Food is
Very Profitable Network (FVPN) by coming to the aid of the
poverty-stricken website.

Other publishers joined in the fight, coming in droves to the LINGUIST
List offices by any means possible. Some even pooled their funds and
came by schoolbus, chanting "No More Food, We Want Books" the entire

According to figures put forth by Vincent, the new LINGUIST List Cat,
publisher donations range from books to subscriptions to online
services to books on CD. Vincent would not comment further, remarking
that "there's no PR for publishers in my contract."

Despite Vincent's hesitancy, MaLingua investigators were able to find
some information. In all, many wonderful gifts were donated to fight
against the "Powers That Eat." When asked what made them decide to
donate such incredible gifts, another anonymous publisher replied,
"Although we can't get at linguists through their stomachs, it is
hoped that we can get at them through their next most vulnerable point
-  their bookshelves."

With the addition of prize drawings for such tantalizing treats as
books, CDs, and subscriptions to journals, LINGUIST List is
anticipating more linguists to dig into their shrinking pockets and
find some change to help it survive. "If there's one thing linguists
love more than eating, it is reading," remarked Heather Taylor, author
of the book What Makes Linguists Tick? And Other Impossible Questions
to Answer.

The prizes offered by many top-notch publishers in the linguistics
world include one-year subscriptions to the Oxford English Dictionary
OED) Online from Oxford University Press, Science Direct from Elsevier
Science, Sky Journal of Linguistics from The Linguistics Association
of Finland, and Linguistic Inquiry and Computational Linguistics from
the MIT Press. Not to mention the books and CDs donated by Cascadilla
Press, which many a hungry linguist eye have craved in the past.

John Benjamins Publishers decided to pursue a different approach to
the donation, giving a $1500 contribution once LINGUIST List had
generated enough donations. "We like Johnny B's hip new style when it
comes to donating," remarked Sobha Siripurapu, LINGUIST List's
Financial Advisor.

LINGUIST List Moderators were absolutely stunned by the unexpected
relief efforts put forth by publishers. "I just can't believe they
would go above and beyond what they have already given" Dr. Helen
Aristar-Dry said through tear-filled eyes. "Just when we thought
everything was against us, they give us a new cause to go forward."

According to MaLingua legal consultant Richard John Henry Harvey VIII,
affectionately referred to as "Henry the Eighth" by many of his
colleagues, the donations made by publishers exceeded any binding
agreement which had been worked out beforehand. "Those publishers
really took the initiative to help LINGUIST List," he said. He then
added, "I guess we'll have to wait until next year to sue them." We're
sure he was joking.

It is unknown what FVPN thinks about the new alliance between LINGUIST
List and publishers. Dr. P. C. Ival, spokeskitty for the company, was
unavailable for comment. His evil sidekick Mini Meow, however, offered
us this MaLingua exclusive. "You won't get away with this, LINGUIST
List. Not by pleading, not by begging, and most certainly not by
enlisting those big bullies you call publishers. We have the
purrrrrfect plan."

What is Dr. P.C. Ival, LINGUIST Cat gone bad, planning? How long
before linguists from around the world decide to donate the remaining
$1795.43? When will these annoying messages end? For this news and
much more, keep your eyes open for the next issue of MaLingua.


Donate Now: http://linguistlist.org/donate.html

For instructions on how to donate, see the last message in this issue,
or visit:


For information on the amazing prizes in our Publisher Prize Draw,
please visit:


Please help us get the $1795.43 we need to reach our target of $50,000.


-------------------------------- Message 2 -------------------------------

Date:  16 Apr 2003 17:25:58 -0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  LINGUIST Cook Online Fight Back! - But Public Opinion Wanes

Only $1795.43 Needed!

~To read MaLingua online, and see the photos, visit:

LINGUIST Cook Online Fight Back!

But Public Opinion Wanes.

The Linguist Cook Online is fighting against LINGUIST List with its
own range of 'invaluable' services, MaLingua can exclusively
reveal. The first of these is the launch of its very own cookery
degree program.

"We're very excited about this," said Dr. P.C. Ival this morning. "We
wanted to prove that, just like LINGUIST List, we too could provide a
range of extra services. Although we prefer the term 'suite of

The new cookery degree program mainly offers degrees at the Bachelor's
and Master's level in named subjects such as Baking, Toasting,
Marzipan, Icing Systems, and Neurolinguini. Taking account of 'life
experience', completion of the degree can take as little as fourteen
days, including delivery time.

Shares in Food is Very Profitable Network jumped twenty percent as
soon as Wall Street opened today. Prices faltered slightly around
lunchtime as rumours circulated that the new venture was fradulent and
illegal, but shares closed at a daily high when these rumours were

"I have put a proposal to the board to change our name to 'Fraud is
Very Profitable Network'," said Ival. "It reflects our company's new
stance, plus we wouldn't need to change our 'FVPN' logo". As the only
member of the FVPN board, Dr. Ival is 'eighty to ninety percent sure'
that the proposal will be passed.

Prices top out at $2999 for a PhD in Ducksauce Analysis, nearly 600
times the suggested donation in LINGUIST List's Five Dollar
Request. But Dr. Ival reacted angrily to suggestions that he is
ripping off consumers.

"Look, we're providing an invaluable product here. Invaluable. At a
price of $2999, that works out to be a saving of infinity percent". At
this stage in the interview, the reporter wisely avoided the
temptation to make a 'purrcent' joke.

We asked embattled moderator Helen Aristar-Dry, can't ask a lady, what
she felt about the new program. "Even at $2999, we could make big
savings on tuition if we moved student editors to FVPN College. But
we'd prefer it if we could send them to a real university. Plus, we
like to keep our students for years and years and years and years, and
a two-week program just isn't long enough to break them".

The latest reports from LINGUIST List suggest that only $1795.43 more
is needed to beat back Linguist Cook Online and retrieve the
homepage. "Please help us in our final push," implored co-moderator
Anthony Aristar, 75, with his puppy-dog eyes. "The blood bank just
isn't giving us any more money". Editor John "Richard" Harvey, 14,
added, "Oooh Tony, he'sh jusht sho cuuuute".

		Is Tony cute? Vote in our online poll at

			Aristar - Cute or Brute?


Get rid of nasty pop-ups and restore LINGUIST List...

Donate NOW: http://linguistlist.org/donate.html

For information on how to donate, see the last message in this issue
or visit:


The moderators and LINGUIST Loyals thank you for your support...


-------------------------------- Message 3 -------------------------------

Date:  Wed, 16 Apr 2003 13:26:46 +0000
From:  linguist at linguistlist.org
Subject:  How to Donate and the LINGUIST List Hall of Fame

The LINGUIST List is under the umbrella of Eastern Michigan University
and as such can receive donations through the EMU Foundation, which is
a registered 501(c) Non Profit organization.  Our Federal Tax number
is 38-6005986.  These donations can be offset against your federal and
sometimes your state tax return (U.S. tax payers only).  For more
information visit the IRS Web-Site, or contact your financial advisor.

Many companies also offer a gift matching scheme, such that they will
match any gift you make to a non-profit organization.  Normally this
entails your contacting your human resources department and sending us
a form that the EMU Foundation fills in and returns to your employer.
This is generally a simple administrative procedure that doubles the
value of your gift to LINGUIST, without costing you an extra
penny. Please take a moment to check if your company operates such a


You can make a contribution by selecting one of three convenient
payment methods: secure credit card form, check, or wire transfer.
You can also PLEDGE your support to LINGUIST and pay later, i.e.  send
in a check. Also, if you do not want to use a credit card, but wish to
pay in a currency other than US Dollars, you can donate via our
European bank account held in Switzerland.  See below for details:


Please make checks payable to 'The LINGUIST List Editorial Support
Fund'.  The address is:

The LINGUIST Editorial Support Fund
Department of English Language and Literature
612 Pray Harrold
Eastern Michigan University
MI, 48197

For details on how to transfer funds by wire, please contact LINGUIST
at the address donate at linguistlist.org. Both an American and a
European bank account are available.

If you would like to make a pledge of support, please go to:


If you have already pledged to LINGUIST and would now like to pay by
credit card, please go to:


and select 'PAY PREVIOUS PLEDGE' as the Type of Payment from the
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The LINGUIST List Hall of Fame

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  Plus 2 anonymous donors
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  - Plus 8 anonymous donors

SUPPORTERS ($50 to $100)

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  tim collett
  Tobias Thelen
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