16.993, Beefy_CV: Conference Abstract Support

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Fri Apr 1 23:39:58 UTC 2005


LINGUIST List: Vol-16-993. Fri Apr 01 2005. ISSN: 1068 - 4875.

Subject: 16.993, Beefy_CV: Conference Abstract Support

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            Helen Aristar-Dry, Eastern Michigan U <hdry at linguistlist.org>
 
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        Terry Langendoen, U of Arizona  

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1)
Date: 01-Apr-2005
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: Conference Abstract Support 

2)
Date: 01-Apr-2005
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: How to donate... 

3)
Date: 01-Apr-2005
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: Thank you all! 

	
-------------------------Message 1 ---------------------------------- 
Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:34:03
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: Conference Abstract Support 
 

Fund Drive 2005 is now on! Visit http://linguistlist.org/donate.html to donate now!

Dear LINGUIST subscribers:

With sadness we note that less than 3% of the LL subscriber list apparently has
adequate funds to donate to this year's Fund Drive.  Since we at LINGUIST share
your financial plight, we would like to lift your financial burden by offering a
unique employment opportunity.  We are instituting an abstract writing service.
This new facility will serve the linguistics community in two prominent ways:

1) Unemployed linguists will be able to finally earn a profit from their
linguistic knowledge.  Serving as authors in the new Abstract-Writing wing of
the LINGUIST List will earn them the lavish remuneration described below.
(Following the normal university practice, LINGUIST will charge 51% in Indirect
Costs, in return for providing a room, an Internet connection, bread, water, and
the Crystal _Encyclopedia of Linguistics_.)

2) Employed linguists with little time on their hands can use the service to
prepare abstracts for submission to all major conferences.  Within 24 hours of
entering a linguistic topic and 5 keywords into an easy-to-use web form
(http://linguistlist.org/ImNotCheating.html), they will receive a
professionally written abstract guaranteed to be accepted for presentation.

Rates are calibrated according to linguistic expertise desired.  Select an
author based on the following scale:

   a) Randomly chosen undergraduate:  $5 per hour
   b) LINGUIST List graduate student:  $6 per hour
   c) LINGUIST List Moderator:  $7 per hour
   d) Former LINGUIST List Moderator:  $29 per hour (can write in Welsh)
   e) LINGUIST List Review Editor (and past LSA president):  $30 per hour
(special retirement rate)
   f) Ph.D. holding their 4th Visiting position:  $35 per hour (will work for food)
   g) The smart-ass who asks all the questions during your session:  $100 per hour
   h) Member of the conference program committee:  $250 per hour (plus a $1000
anonymity fee)
   i) Noam Chomsky:  current market price (in season)

Prospective Authors:  Submit your employment application via this secure web
form (http://linguistlist.org/IShdHaveYrJob.html).  And when you receive your
first check, please remember that you owe your newfound solvency to The LINGUIST
List.  Donate to Fund Drive!

LINGUIST List is an equal opportunity employer.  LINGUIST editors whose jobs are
at risk are strongly encouraged to apply.

                         LINGUIST List
                   Helping Itself by Helping You
                        (you dead beats)



	
-------------------------Message 2 ---------------------------------- 
Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:34:18
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: How to donate... 

	
This Year the LINGUIST List hope to raise $48,867. This money will go to help
keep the List running, by supporting all of our Student Editors for the coming year.

There are many ways to donate to LINGUIST!

You can donate right now using our secure credit card form.

Alternatively you can also pledge right now and pay later.

For all information on donating and pledging, including information on how to
donate by check, money order, or wire transfer, please visit:

http://linguistlist.org/donate.html

The LINGUIST List is under the umbrella of Eastern Michigan University and as
such can receive donations through the EMU Foundation, which is a registered
501(c) Non Profit organization. Our Federal Tax number is 38-6005986. These
donations can be offset against your federal and sometimes your state tax return
(U.S. tax payers only). For more information visit the IRS Web-Site, or contact
your financial advisor.

Many companies also offer a gift matching program, such that they will match any
gift you make to a non-profit organization. Normally this entails your
contacting your human resources department and sending us a form that the EMU
Foundation fills in and returns to your employer. This is generally a simple
administrative procedure that doubles the value of your gift to LINGUIST,
without costing you an extra penny. Please take a moment to check if your
company operates such a program.

Thank you very much for your support of LINGUIST! 




 

	
-------------------------Message 3 ---------------------------------- 
Date: Fri, 01 Apr 2005 18:34:31
From:  linguist < linguist at linguistlist.org >
Subject: Thank you all! 

	
TARGET THIS YEAR: $48,867
TOTAL SO FAR: $25719

LINGUIST Contributors

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