LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (04) [E]

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L O W L A N D S - L  -  05 May 2007 - Volume 04

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From: Sandy Fleming <sandy at scotstext.org>
Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (01) [E]

> From: Reuben Epp <reuben at uniserve.com>
> Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.04 (06) [E]
>
>         Early on the following morning the little knight rode his dog
>         to the front
>         desk to square away his bill with the innkeeper before leaving
>         for the day.
>         The innkeeper replied, "I'm sorry, but you cannot leave here
>         now! I would
>         not let a knight out on a dog like this!"
>
Go on then, just bring up all those disturbing childhood memories of jokes
that stopped me laughing for a week!

One day this man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The pet shop keeper
says, "We're out of parrots but we do have a rarey bird."

"OK, but does it talk?" asks the customer.

"Talk?" says the shopkeeper, "Why, it sings! It sings in the most beautiful
voice imaginable!"

"Can I hear it singing now?"

"Not at this very moment," explains the shopkeeper, "it only sings after
it's been fed."

"Why's it called a rarey bird?" asks the man.

"Because it's very rare. There are only a few left in the whole world."

By this time the customer is beginning to take the shopkeeper for some sort
of chump. Without further ado he puts down his money and whisks the rather
dumpy, flightless bird from the shop.

Once home he feeds the bird and waits for it to sing. It remains silent so
he feeds it more. And more and more. Soon he begins to see that the bird has
an enormous appetite and he's soon well out of pocket.

Still, hope springs eternal. He feeds it, he buys a grampphone and plays it
many wonderful and expensive records. Not forgetting the bird is very rare
and therefore valuable, he takes out a loan, assured that if worst comes to
worst and the bird never sings, he can at least sell it for a huge sum and
recoup his expenses and more.

Eventually he can borrow no more money due to the continual expense of
feeding this silent, flightless bird. Almost destitute and more than a
little angry at the bird, and also discovering that the pet shop owner has
cut his stick and vanished, he takes it along to the local zoo to sell it.

"I'm sorry, sir," says the zoo keeper, "that's a rarey bird. We've got far
too many rarey birds as it is."

"But I was told there were only a few left in the world."

"Not at all, sir," says the zoo keeper, "people who live in rarey-infested
parts of the world call them 'flightless rats'. In my opinion you've been
taken for a chump."

Really angry now, the man feeds the rarey bird will all the millet he has
left, to make sure it falls fast enough when he takes it up to the
highest cliff in the area to let it plummet to its death.

As he holds the bird out over the cliff, his head spins at the sight of the
sheer drop below him. "You stupid bird," he cries, "why couldn't you just
sing?!"

And at that moment the bird opens its beak and in the most beautiful voice
imaginable sings, "It's a long way to tip a rarey..."

Sandy Fleming
http://scotstext.org/

----------

From: Paul Finlow-Bates <wolf_thunder51 at yahoo.co.uk>
Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (01) [E]

From: Mark Dreyer <mrdreyer at lantic.net >
Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.04 (06) [E]
By the way, My Ruth holds that shaggy stories are waste of brain space, & we
should desist: Forthwith. so, I shall spare you all the delights of the
doings of Wally & Goppy, & Tarzant, & the Dread Mystery of the Monk.

Yrs,
Mark

Not to mention the greatest of them all, Willie the Carpet-Eating Moth.  I
once managed to drag that one out over an entire night shift.  When the
punchline came, I barely escaped with my life.

Paul

•

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