LL-L "Levity" 2008.05.02 (08) [E]

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L O W L A N D S - L - 01 May 2008 - Volume 08
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From: Tom Carty <cartyweb at hotmail.com>
Subject: A New Englsih for the EU

Future English
<http://groups.yahoo.com/group/WriteClique/message/1814;_ylc=X3oDMTJydXA3amFiBF9TAzk3MzU5NzE1BGdycElkAzE1MzUyNDI2BGdycHNwSWQDMTcwNzIzOTA0NwRtc2dJZAMxODE0BHNlYwNkbXNnBHNsawN2bXNnBHN0aW1lAzEyMDk3NTM2NDM->
Posted
by: "Jason Chiew" jason_chiew at yahoo.com.sg
<jason_chiew at yahoo.com.sg?Subject=+Re:Future+English>  jason_chiew
<http://profiles.yahoo.com/jason_chiew> Thu May 1, 2008 8:37 pm (PDT) Prepare
yourselves early for the English of the future!

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English
will be the official language of the European Union rather than German,
which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in
plan that would become known as 'Euro-English'.

In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'. Sertainly, this will make
the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favour of
'k'. This sh ould klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less
letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the
troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with 'f'. This will make words like
fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to
reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always
ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent 'e' in the languag is
disgrasful and it should stop.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing 'th' with
'z' and 'w' with 'v'.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaining
'ou' and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu
understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze
forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Max Motschmann
Chief Executive Officer
EUROPEAN KONSULTING ASIA Corp. - Philippines

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From: R. F. Hahn <sassisch at yahoo.com>
Subject: Levity

I'm surprised that this one is still making its rounds. It must be at least
15 years old now, going back to the days when British people were supposed
to be scared of the horrors of "Continentalization" that membership of the
European Union would bring, allusion to Nazification being supposed to be
the climax.

Regards,
Reinhard/Ron

•

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