=======================================================================
<p>
L O W L A N D S - L * ISSN 189-5582 * LCSN 96-4226
<p>
http://www.lowlands-l.net * lowlands.list@gmail.com
<p>
Rules & Guidelines: http://www.lowlands-l.net/rules.php
<p>
Posting: lowlands-l@listserv.linguistlist.org - lowlands.list@gmail.com
<p>
Commands ("signoff lowlands-l" etc.): listserv@listserv.net
<p>
Server Manual: http://www.lsoft.com/manuals/1.8c/userindex.html
<p>
Archives: http://listserv.linguistlist.org/archives/lowlands-l.html
<p>
Encoding: Unicode (UTF-8) [Please switch your view mode to it.]
<p>
Administration: lowlands.list@gmail.com or sassisch@yahoo.com
<p>
<p>
You have received this because you have been subscribed upon request.
To unsubscribe, please send the command "signoff lowlands-l" as message
text from the same account to listserv@listserv.linguistlist.org or
sign off at http://linguistlist.org/subscribing/sub-lowlands-l.html.
<p>
<p>
A=Afrikaans Ap=Appalachian B=Brabantish D=Dutch E=English F=Frisian
L=Limburgish LS=Lowlands Saxon (Low German) N=Northumbrian
S=Scots Sh=Shetlandic V=(West) Flemish Z=Zeelandic (Zeeuws)
<p>
=======================================================================
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"> </span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">L O W L A N D S - L - 05 May 2007 - Volume 03</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">=========================================================================</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">From: </span><span id="_user_wolf_thunder51@yahoo.co.uk" style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28); font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Paul Finlow-Bates <<a href="mailto:wolf_thunder51@yahoo.co.uk">
wolf_thunder51@yahoo.co.uk</a>></span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (07) [E]</span><br><br><div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;">
A
poor cobbler was working away at his shoemaking and happened to glance
up out of the window as a senior officer from the local army base was
stepping onto the road. At that moment, a huge truck came round the
corner and struck the military man, running straight over him. The
poor soldier was completely flattened.</div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;"> </div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;">Now,
given the location, the cobbler has seen many such accidents, often
involving military personnel of fairly high rank. It had never really
bothered him, he didn't even like the military. But something about
this incident moved him to shed a tear.</div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;"> </div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;">You could say, it was Shoe-man's First Sympathy in A Flat Major.</div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;"> </div>
<div style="font-size: 12pt; font-family: times new roman,new york,times,serif;">Paul Finlow-Bates</div><span class="ad"><br><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">----------</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"></span><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">From: </span><span id="_user_sandy@scotstext.org" style="color: rgb(121, 6, 25); font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Sandy Fleming
</span><span style="font-weight: normal; font-family: arial,sans-serif;" class="lg"> <<a href="mailto:sandy@scotstext.org">sandy@scotstext.org</a>></span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (07) [E]</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<div style="direction: ltr; font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span class="q">> From: Global Moose Translations <<a onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)" href="mailto:globalmoose@t-online.de">globalmoose@t-online.de
</a>><br>> Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (04) [E]<br>><br>> Mark Dreyer wrote:<br>> >By the way, My Ruth holds that shaggy stories are waste of brain<br>> space, & we should desist:
<br>> >Forthwith. so, I shall spare you all the delights of the doings of<br>> Wally & Goppy, & Tarzant,<br>> >& the Dread Mystery of the Monk.<br>><br>> Oh, I am completely with Your Ruth on that one!! When people take that
<br>> long to tell a story, it had better be a good one.<br>><br>> Gabriele Kahn<br><br></span></div><div style="direction: ltr; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Surely the whole point is to raise everybody's expectations with the
<br>sheer length of the story, then leave them lying in a heap at the end?<br>Serves them right for listening :)<br><br>We're still waiting to hear about this Monk, Mark!<br><br>There's also a kind of story that I associate with Appalachian, that
<br>seems to hold all sorts of strange and interesting impossibilities ("it<br>was so cold the flames froze solid" and suchlike). Is this what they<br>mean by a Tall Tale?<br></div><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;" class="sg">
<br>Sandy Fleming<br><a onclick="return top.js.OpenExtLink(window,event,this)" href="http://scotstext.org/" target="_blank">http://scotstext.org/<br><br></a></span><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">----------</span>
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">From: </span><span id="_user_wes.parish@paradise.net.nz" style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28); font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
Wesley Parish <<a href="mailto:wes.parish@paradise.net.nz">wes.parish@paradise.net.nz</a>></span><span style="font-weight: normal; font-family: arial,sans-serif;" class="lg"></span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
Subject: LL-L "Literature" 2007.05.05 (01) [E]</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">How's this for a totally pointless yarn?
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">There was, it would appear, a very very rich young man with nothing much to</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">do. And one day while he was whiling away his days by roaming the world, he</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">drove his Rolls Royce along a twisty Andes road, where he saw a signpost
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">declaring that here was the only place where authentic Kadinkadonka machines</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">were manufactured.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">He'd never heard of Kadinkadonka machines before, so he decided to find out
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">what they were, drove up to the front door, entered and asked to see the</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
proprietor.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">"I'll take the very best Kadinkadonka machine you can make," he said. "I need
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">something special."</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
"Okay, we need a deposit of ... about seven million dollars, and come back in</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">about four years" said the proprietor. The rich young man paid without
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">complaint.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
In four years he was back. "We're sorry, but with the rising petrol prices,</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">we haven't been able to get some components," said the proprietor, "We'll
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">need another twenty million, thanks, and come back in about six years."</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">In six years he was back. "We've encountered a shortfall," the proprietor</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">said, "and so we aren't finished yet. If you pay us another eighty million</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
and come back in about ten years, we should have it finished."</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The young man paid up, wondering what he was getting, but was reminded that he
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">had asked for the very best Kadinkadonka machine they could make, so was</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
getting precisely that.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">In ten years he was back. He'd married in the meantime, and had brought his
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">bride to show off to the Kadinkadonka machine proprietor, and to show off his</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Kadinkadonka machine to his bride.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The proprietor wrung his hands. "We had to roll back a good part of the
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">work," he explained. "Some parts we had made overseas just weren't up to</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">scratch. but we estimate that with an additional ... say ... a spare two</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">billion, we'll finally have it done in twenty years."
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Twenty years pass, and the young man, no longer young, and without his wife -</span>
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">they divorced somewhat amicably - and with a few aches and pains and limps</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
that came with his age, turned up to see what he had bought. The proprietor</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">greeted him like a long-lost brother, enveloped him in a bear hug and wiping
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">the tears from his eyes, said rapturously, "We finally finished the job. You</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">have got to see it!"</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">So he leads the rich man into this long, twisting, turning passageway, which
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">eventually, after going a mile underground, finally surfaces near this vast</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
tower. The proprietor takes him inside this tower and they go up this wide</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">staircase.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Up they go; up and up and up. After a week the rich man wonders where they</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
are; the proprietor shows him the view from a window. Another week, and the</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">rich man is wheezing from all this unexpected exertion. the proprietor gives
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">him an oxygen mask. another week, and the wide staircase has narrowed</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
somewhat.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">Another week and they reach this little room, with this chair and this desk.
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">"Now you will see the Kadinkadonka machine working," the proprietor</span>
<br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">said. "Just don't sit on the staircase, would you. You're not supposed to</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">do that."</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">He goes to the desk, opens the draw and takes out a marble, takes it to the
</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">top step of the staircase then flicks it off.</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">The rich man hears it rolling down the staircase,</span><br style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,sans-serif;">ka-dinka-donka-dinka-donka</span>
<div style="direction: ltr; font-family: arial,sans-serif;">-dinka-donka-dinka-donka-dinka-donka ...<br><br>Then there's the Viper story:<br><br>A housewife gets a disturbing call one day. A foreign male voice says, "I am
<br>viper, lady. In four days I come." Then a click.<br><br>She tells her husband. And sure enough, when he stays back from work, they<br>hear a phone call, with the message, "I am viper, lady. In three days I
<br>come."<br><br>He hangs up. And the phone call can't be traced.<br><br>So they go to the police. And they come around to listen, and sure enough,<br>the phone rings, and the same male voice says, "I am viper, lady. In two
<br>days I come."<br><br>The next day is spent deciding how to react. The police call up the local<br>Defense - Territorials, National Guard or whatever, and they turn out in<br>force. The same male voice rings her and says, again, "I am viper, lady. In
<br>one day I come."<br><br>Finally the day dawns, and everybody is on tenterhooks, the Defense force<br>looking down their rifles every which way, the police looking around and<br>leaving no stone unturned, the woman and her husband waiting by the door in
<br>their apartment with an assortment of rudimentary weapons of various types at<br>hand.<br><br>A little car moseys up the drive, a short guy gets out, and knocks on the<br>door. The husband opens the door, and the short guy says, "I am viper. Have
<br>you any vindows you vant viped?"<br><br>The End.<br><br>For some strange reason kids seem to love them. I heard them as a kid in<br>Yarralumla Primary, Canberra.<br><br>Wesley Parish</div><br>
•
<p>
==============================END===================================
<p>
* Please submit postings to lowlands-l@listserv.linguistlist.org.
<p>
* Postings will be displayed unedited in digest form.
<p>
* Please display only the relevant parts of quotes in your replies.
<p>
* Commands for automated functions (including "signoff lowlands-l")
<p>
are to be sent to listserv@listserv.linguistlist.org or at
<p>
http://linguistlist.org/subscribing/sub-lowlands-l.html.
<p>
*********************************************************************