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<div style="text-align: center; font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">=========================================================================<br>L O W L A N D S - L - 09 April 2008 - Volume 01<br style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">
<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">-------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">Please set the encoding mode to Unicode (UTF-8).</span><br style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">
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========================================================================<br></div><br style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">From: </span><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" class="HcCDpe"><span class="EP8xU" style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28);">Tom Carty</span> <span class="lDACoc"><<a href="mailto:cartyweb@hotmail.com">cartyweb@hotmail.com</a>><br>
Subject: </span>Heres a good slant on the English language!!!<br><br></span><strong style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><em>Stacy <<a href="mailto:heart4jesus@gmail.com" target="_blank">heart4jesus@gmail.com</a>></em></strong><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"> wrote:
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<div>MYSTERIES OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE<br><br>Let's face it English is a crazy language. There is no egg in <br>Eggplant or ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.<br><br>English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in <br>
France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't <br>Sweet, are meat.<br><br>We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find <br>That quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea <br>
Pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. And why is it that <br>Writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and <br>Hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the <br>
Plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? <br>One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?<br><br>If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian <br>Eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?<br>
<br>In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital? <br>Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet <br>That smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?<br><br>How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man <br>
And a wise guy are opposites?<br><br>When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling <br>It out and an alarm clock goes off by going on.<br>When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are <br>
Out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start <br>It, but when I wind up this essay, I end it?<br><br>Now I know why I flunked my English. It's not my fault -- the silly <br>Language doesn't quite know whether it's coming or going.</div>
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