<div style="text-align: center;">=========================================================================<br>L O W L A N D S - L - 15 April 2008 - Volume 05<br style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">-------------------------------------------------------------------------</span><br style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">
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<span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);">the html toggle at the bottom of the archived page.</span><br>=========================================================================<br></div><br>From: <span class="HcCDpe"><span class="EP8xU" style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28);">Tom Carty</span> <span class="lDACoc"><<a href="mailto:cartyweb@hotmail.com">cartyweb@hotmail.com</a>></span></span><br>
Subject: <span class="HcCDpe">FW: [MyChickenSoup] Southern Women<br><br></span>There may be somethings to suit Beyond the Pale or other aspects of the
site in this email I got in a Yahoo group "My Chicken Soup". Edit as
you see fit.<br>
<br>
Tom<br>
<div> </div>
<div><font color="#800080" face="Comic Sans MS" size="4">Thank you Horace! </font></div>
<div style="font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;">----- Original Message -----
<div style="background: rgb(228, 228, 228) none repeat scroll 0% 50%; -moz-background-clip: -moz-initial; -moz-background-origin: -moz-initial; -moz-background-inline-policy: -moz-initial;"><b>From:</b> <a title="hshoop111@sbcglobal.net" href="mailto:hshoop111@sbcglobal.net" target="_blank">Horace Hooper</a> </div>
<div><b>To:</b> <a title="HSHoop111@sbcglobal.net" href="mailto:HSHoop111@sbcglobal.net" target="_blank">**Horace S Hooper</a> </div>
<div><b>Sent:</b> Monday, April 14, 2008 10:03 PM</div>
<div><b>Subject:</b> [MyChickenSoup] Southern Women</div></div>
<div><br></div>
<div><em></em> </div>
<div style="font-family: arial; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: normal; font-size: 10pt; line-height: normal; font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal;"><font face="Arial" size="2"> </font><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; color: purple; font-family: Verdana;"><u>SOUTHERN WOMEN</u></span><font face="Verdana" size="2"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <strong><u><font color="#800080" size="5"><br>
</font></u></strong><br></span></font><b><font face="Verdana" size="5"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 13pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Southern women appreciate their natural assets:</font><font size="5"> <br>
</font></span></font></b><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Clean skin.<br>A winning smile.</font><br><font size="4">That unforgettable Southern drawl.</font><br>
</span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"><br></span></font><b><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Southern women know their manners:</font> <br>
</span></font></b><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">"Yes, ma'am."<br>"Yes, sir."<br>"Why, no, Billy!"</font><br></span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"><br>
</span></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Southern women have a distinct</font> <font size="4">way with fond expressions:</font> <br>
</span></font></b></font><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="3"><strong>"Y'all come back!"<br>"Well, bless your heart."<br>"Drop by when you can."<br>
"How's your Momma?"</strong></font><br></span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"><br><br></span></font><b><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Southern women know their summer weather report:</font><br>
</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Humidity<br>Humidity<br>Humidity<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know their vacation spots:<br>
</span></b>The beach<br>The rivuh<br>The crick<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:<br></span></b>Colorful hi-heel sandals <br>Strapless sun dresses</font></span></font><font color="#010101" face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 10pt; color: rgb(1, 1, 1); font-family: Verdana;"> <br>
</span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Iced sweet tea with mint <br>Straw hats and big sunglasses<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know everybody's first name:<br>
</span></b>Honey <br>Darlin'<br>Shugah<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:<br></span></b><span style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204);">Fried Green Tomatoes</span><br>
<span style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204);">Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood</span><br>Steel Magnolias <br><span style="border-bottom: 1px dashed rgb(0, 102, 204);">Gone With The Wind</span><br><br><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know their religions:</span></b></font></span></font><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <br>
</span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Baptist<br>Methodist<br>Football<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know their country breakfasts: <br>
</span></b>Red-eye gravy<br>Grits<br>Eggs<br>Country ham<br>Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm: <br>
</span></b>Chawl'stn<br>S'vanah<br>Foat Wuth<br>N'awlins<br>Addlanna<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern women know their elegant gentlemen: <br></span></b>Men in uniform.<br>
Men in tuxedos<br>Rhett Butler<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern girls know their prime real estate:<br></span></b>The Mall<br>The Country Club<br>The Beauty Salon<br><br></font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:<br>
</span></b>Having bad hair and nails<br>Having bad manners<br>Cooking bad food<br></font></span></font><br><font size="4"><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">More Suthen-ism's: <br>
</span></font></b></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4">Only a Southerner</font> <font size="4">knows the difference between a</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">hissie fit</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">and a</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">conniption fit</span></font></b></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4"> , and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.<br>
_____<br><br>Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up </font><font size="4"><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">"a mess."<br></span></b>_____<br><br>Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of</font></span></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"yonder."</span></font></b></font><font face="Verdana" size="4"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <br>
</span></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">_____<br><br><font size="4">Only a Southerner knows exactly how long</font> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">"directly"</span></b> <font size="4">is, . as in: "Going to town, be back directly."</font><br>
_____<br><br><font size="4">Even Southern babies know that</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"Gimme some sugar"</span></font></b></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.<br>
_____<br></font><br><font size="4">All Southerners know exactly when</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"by and by"</span></font></b></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.<br>
</font>_____ <br><br><font size="4">Only
a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a
neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big
bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis,
they also know to add a large banana puddin! <br></font>_____<br><br><font size="4">Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between</font></span></font><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"right near"</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">and</font></span></font><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"a right far piece."</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">They also know that</font></span></font><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"just down the road"</span></font></b></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">can be 1 mile or 20.<br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash. <br>_____<br><br>No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.<br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">A Southerner knows that</font></span></font><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"fixin"</span></font></b></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4"> can be</font> <font size="4">used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.<br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!<br>_____<br></font><br><font size="4">Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage. <br>
_____<br></font><br><font size="4">In the South,</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">y'all</span></font></b></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">is singular,</font> <b><span style="font-weight: bold;">all y'all</span></b> <font size="4">is plural.<br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.</font><br>_____<br><br><font size="4">Every
Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are
perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and
that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.</font> <br>_____<br><br><font size="4">When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!<br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">Only true Southerners say</font></span></font></font><font size="4"><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"sweet tea",</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">"sweet milk", and "light bread". </span></font></font><font size="4"><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"> <font size="4">Sweet tea indicates the need</font> <font size="4">for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our</font> <font size="4">tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk. And "Light bread" is white bread.</font> <br>
_____<br><br><font size="4">And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say</font><b><span style="font-weight: bold;"><font size="4">,</font><font size="5">"Bless her heart"</font></span></b> <font size="4">... and go your own way. <br>
</font>_____<br><br><font size="4">To
those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness:
Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the
morning. Bless your heart!<br></font>_____<br><font size="4">And to
those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this
Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have
classes on Southernness as a second language!</font> <br>_____<br><br><font size="4">And
for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long
time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I
ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could." <br></font><br><b><span style="font-weight: bold;">Southern girls know men may come and go,</span></b></span></font><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></b><b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-weight: bold; font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;">but friends are fahevah</span></font></b><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Verdana;"> </span></font></font><font face="Verdana"><span style="font-size: 18pt; font-family: Verdana;"><font size="4"><font size="5"><strong>!<br>
</strong></font><br></font><font size="4"><b><font color="blue"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: blue;">Now..... Shugah, send this to someone who was raised in the South or wish they had been! <br></span></font></b><br>
</font><b><font color="blue" size="4"><span style="font-weight: bold; color: blue;">If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it. We know you got here as fast as you could.</span></font></b></span></font></div>
<br><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">----------</span><br style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><br style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;"><font style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" size="2"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">From: R. F. Hahn <<a href="mailto:sassisch@yahoo.com" target="_blank">sassisch@yahoo.com</a>>
<br>
Subject: Levity<br><br>Thanks, Tom.<br><br>I know you enjoy it, and you are obviously not alone in this. However, I don't think it is suitable for our purposes, on two counts: <br></span></font><ol style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">
<li><font style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" size="2"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">We don't go for lists of jokes of uncertain authorship and uncertain reception that have been passed on and on.<br></span></font></li>
<li><font style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" size="2"><span style="font-size: 11pt;">While this is likely to be intended as well-meaning, it is not within the spirit of Lowlands-L in that it in effect seeks to reinforce stereotyping that is unwelcome by many. I know that many people in and from the southern parts of the United States resent such cartoonish characterizations or are at least tired of them, and many non-Southerners do relate to this. "North versus South" is still a touchy topic in several quarters, and it is time for healing rather than for pouring oil onto the flame, even if in jest. Southerners have been discriminated against and ridiculed for too long, and their "accents" have been badly imitated to mock them, and they have been unjustifiably seen as signs of all manner of negative things. We, at the very least, ought not go down that track, if for no other reason than the fact that we as a group respect all linguistic and cultural varieties as worthy of respect.</span></font></li>
</ol><font style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;" size="2"><span style="font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">Regards,</span><br style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">
<span style="font-family: arial,helvetica,sans-serif;">Reinhard/Ron</span><br><br></span></font>