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L O W L A N D S - L - 04 June 2011 - Volume 03<br><a href="mailto:lowlands.list@gmail.com" target="_blank">lowlands.list@gmail.com</a>
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<p class="MsoNormal"><font size="2"> </font></p><p style="margin:0in 0in 0.0001pt"><font size="2">From: <span><span style="color:rgb(91, 16, 148)"></span></span><span><span style="color: rgb(0, 104, 28);"></span></span></font><span class="gI"><span class="gD" style="color:#00681c">Hellinckx Luc</span> <span class="go"><a href="mailto:luc.hellinckx@gmail.com">luc.hellinckx@gmail.com</a></span></span></p>
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Subject: <span></span><span></span></font><span class="gI">LL-L "Humor"</span><br>
<font size="2"><span><br></span></font>Beste Leeglanders,<div><br></div><div>This one made me crack up. It's a
revision by John Cleese of an older text, originally written by John
Humberstone. The article has been published before, but got popular
again:</div><div><br></div><blockquote style="margin:0 0 0 40px;border:none;padding:0px"><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><b>“Alerts to Terror Threats in 2011 Europe,” by John Cleese</b></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br>
</span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats
and have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to
"Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to
"Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit
Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody
Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning
level was in 1588, when threatened by the Spanish Armada. </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
Scots have raised their threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's Get
the Bastards." They don't have any other levels. This is the reason they
have been used on the front line of the British army for the last 300
years. </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
French Government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent
fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing
the country's military capability. </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
Italians have increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and
Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans have
increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">Belgians,
on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they
are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy.
These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish
navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy. </span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)"><br></span></div><div><span style="color:rgb(1, 41, 68)">The
Australians, meanwhile, have raised their security level from "No
worries" to "She'll be Alright, Mate." Two more escalation levels
remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the barbie this weekend!"
and "The barbie is canceled." So far no situation has ever warranted use
of the final escalation level.</span></div></blockquote><div><br></div><div>Kind greetings,</div><div><br></div><font color="#888888"><div>Luc Hellinckx, Halle, Belgium<br></div></font><font size="2">
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