absurd

[Alina Israeli]

Dear Seelangers:
Here is a message I received from a West European friend and a colleague.

>Strana absurda kak byla tak i ostalas', tol'ko eshe mafioznost' na
>gosudarstvennom urovne pribavilas'. Xochesh poslushat' pro moi
>prikliuchenija v konsul'stve? Bojus' otobju u tabia oxotu exat', esli
>eshe sobiraeshsia. Ja-to sobralas' s buxty-baraxty, reshivshis' v
>poslednij moment. Prosit' ljudej chtoby vyslali priglashenie bylo uzhe
>pozdno. Znachit, dlia turisticheskoj vizy nuzhno brat' gostinicu. Nashla
>v kataloge v turagentstve udivitel'no deshevuju po sravneniju s
>ostal'nymi (nemnogimi) v spiske. Gostinica Sovetskaja na Lermontovskom
>prospekte. Po sxodnoj cene: 69$ za noc'. Beru do 23-go, poskol'ku bilet
>tuda u menia v S. Peterburg na 20-e (na perekladnyx cherez Berlin), a
>obratnyj, na 24-e, iz Moskvy (obratnyx priamyx na tot den' ne bylo).
>Dumaju noc' s 23go na 24 v poezde budu. Segodnia utrom prixozhu za
>biletami i podtverzhdeniem na gostinicu. Vse OK. Beru bumazhki, mchus' v
>konsul'stvo. Tam ob'avlenie: srok oformlenija viz - 2 nedeli, cena 60$.
>No mozhno i za chas po cene 150$. Delat' nechego, proshu za cas.
>Poguliala, prixozhu nazad. Tolstaja nakrashenaja do ushej blondinka v
>okoshechke govorit: ne mozhem my vam dat' vizu, po dvum prichinam.
>Vo-pervyx, govorit, gostinica Sovetskaja v MIDe ne zaregistrirovana.
>Chto zhe, govorju, ona v turisticheskom kataloge delajet? A ona,
>govorit, ran'she byla zaregistrirovana, a teper' vot, s 1998g. net. A
>vo-vtoryx, govorit, gostinica u vas do 23-go, a vizu vy prosite do
>24-go. Objasniaju pro nochnoj poezd i samolet iz Moskvy. Nichego,
>govorit, znat' ne xotim. Meniajte gostinicu i berite do 24-go. Gonju
>nazad v turagentstvo. A ostal'nye gostinicy v kataloge: Evropa, po 300$
>i vyshe za noch, Astorija, ne deshevle, da eshe Sheraton i neskol'ko
>drugix, gde zvezd bol'she, chem na nebe. Samaja deshevaja okazalas'
>Pribaltijskaja, po 150$ za noc'. Delat' nechego. Prishlos' brat', v tom
>chisle i na tu noc', kogda ja v poezde budu exat'. Nu ne absurd li?
>Poka ja tam sidela, vizovyj otdel, vestimo, zakrylsia. Ostaetsia eshe
>ponedel'nik utrom, poslednij srok, t.k. potom oni otkryty tol'ko v sredu
>utrom, a u menia zaniatija. Vot takie pirogi. Nostal'giej ja javno
>nikogda stradat' ne budu, i tebe ne sovetuju.

One really expects her to turn into a cockroach upon arrival.

As the French say, Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose.

Alina Israeli

P.S.This reminds me of a resume I received a year or two ago from Belorus.
Its author promised to vastly improve our Russian program (although I doubt
that he was well versed in the fall of jers), and my thoughts were: It
would improve our program if the students did not feel that they were
milked to the breaking point during their trip to Russia, and did not have
to fight the absurdity every step of the way. Even the most enthusiastic
loose their motivation after a semester in Russia. Yet, those who love the
sense of the bizarre strive there.