Help please with translating Platonov!

[Edward M Dumanis]

I think that DEAD END is a very good solution but I would change your
translation of "i zazhali v SLEPOI PROKHOD" to "and hemmed me at the dead
end." I believe that you have a bigger problem with "na menya vagonetki
naskochili" mostly because "vagonetki" is difficult to translate without
any added ambiguity. I think that "na menya naskochili" is better
translated as "plunged at me" but I do not know if "cars" is the best
solution for "vagonetki" or someone can suggest a better solution. As I
understand, "cars" is better than "trucks" because I cannot find
modifiers for "trucks" that would make it certain the meaning is
"vagonetki" but "door-type, drop-bottom and drop-end cars" do narrow it
down to certain types of "vagonetki."


Sincerely,

Edward Dumanis <dumanis at acsu.buffalo.edu>


On Wed, 31 Jan 2001, Robert Chandler wrote:

> Dear all,
> 
> I am at present going through the proofs of our translation of HAPPY
> MOSCOW and am deeply dissatisfied with one passage.  It comes at the
> beginning of chapter 11.  The heroine has just been involved in a
> serious accident while working as a labourer digging the Moscow Metro.
> At present our English reads:
> 
> ŒHow on earth did this happen?¹ the foreman asked as he helped her back
> onto the stretcher.
> 
> ŒI can¹t remember,¹ answered the wounded woman.  ŒSome trucks jumped
> out at me and I couldn¹t get out of their way and they crushed me.  But
> go away now -- I want to sleep, I don¹t want to feel this pain.¹
> 
> This is all right as far as it goes, but we have lost some important
> symbolism.  The Russian of her speech is:
> Ne pomnyu... na menya vagonetki naskochili i zazhali v SLEPOI PROKHOD...
> 
> We very much need the metaphorical associations of a phrase like BLIND
> ALLEY or DEAD END, but these phrases don't really work at a realistic
> level. I want the passage to work both at a realistic level and at a
> symbolic level.
> 
> I'll be more than grateful for any suggestions.
> 
> Robert Chandler
> 
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