Dissertation

[andrew wachtel]

Dear Pat,

Ive read the whole dissertation ms. You sent.  Overall, it is fine as far as
structure and content goes.  My only real concern in this area is that I
think you spend a bit too much time praising Dostoevsky for his
perspicasiousness and castigating terrorism as evil.  Yu aren't writing a
moral tract nor are you engaged in hero worship.  There is nothing wrong
with letting the reader know that you don't approve of terrorism but yu
don't have to grind it in.  Same with D.--you can say once or twice that he
was perspicascious but you don't need to to do quite so frequently.

The only real concern is stylistic.  The whole thing reads to me as the
equivalent of a photograph taken with a soft focus lens.  That is, it
frequently feels fuzzy.  In part this is because of specific stylistic tics
(like the use of the word "exists" about 20 times too frequently), but most
of the time it isn't quite as easy to identify the problem.  I have two
pieces of advice.
1) Read it out loud as you do your final corrections.  In so doing you will
catch the fuzziest language.
2) Try to cut each chapter by about 10%  In some cases this can be done by
eliminating repetition but in others it will come by tightening your
sentences.

In any case, it is fine as far as I am concerned and you shouldn't have too
much trouble fixing these problems by the deadline.

Best,

Andrew

PS--I've marked it up and if you want to come down here I can show you
specific examples of what I have in mind.

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