Baby's Touch 'N Feel Guide to Russian Literature

[Sarah Hurst]

This is hilarious! Thanks.

Sarah Hurst

-----Original Message-----
From: SEELANGS: Slavic & East European Languages and Literatures list [mailto:SEELANGS at bama.ua.edu] On Behalf Of Thomas Hodge
Sent: Wednesday, May 12, 2010 7:36 AM
To: SEELANGS at bama.ua.edu
Subject: [SEELANGS] Baby's Touch 'N Feel Guide to Russian Literature

Dear SEELANGERs,
     An alumna just sent the following list, good for a few chuckles, from
http://www.mcsweeneys.net/2010/5/11kumar.html.
     Best to all,
          Tom


Baby's Touch 'N Feel Guide to Russian Literature.

BY Summer Block Kumar

- - - -

The Brothers Karamazov 

Feel the soft little bag where Dmitri hides his shameful money. He wears the 
bag around his neck. It is full of rubles. Why doesn't Dmitri save himself? 

- -

Notes from the Underground 

See the yellow stain on the Underground Man's pants. His clothes are shabby 
and old. What compels him to debase himself? 

- -

Crime and Punishment 

Run your hand over Raskolnikov's scratchy face. He is feverish and pale. 
Raskolnikov is a murderer. Can the ends ever justify the means? 

- -

Anna Karenina 

Grisha and Tanya turn boxes into a toy train. This is called foreshadowing. 

- -

War and Peace 

Admire Natasha's elegant opera gown. Natasha is very beautiful. At the opera 
she meets Anatole. Anatole is handsome and charming. But he is already 
married! 

- -

Master and Margarita 

Pet Behemoth's soft black fur. Behemoth is a giant cat who walks, talks, and 
discharges firearms. His owner is Satan. 

- -
 
The Foundation Pit 

Meet Misha the diligent bear. Misha works as a blacksmith. Misha denounces 
his master. Why doesn't anyone seem to notice that Misha is a bear? 

- -

Eugene Onegin 

Look out! This is the bullet that Onegin uses to kill Lensky. What was the use 
of such a tragic gesture? All of this is idleness. 

- -

The Overcoat 

Stroke the soft cat fur lining of Akaky Akakievich's collar. Two bad thieves 
steal Akaky's new coat. No one is kind to him. Later he will return as a ghost. 

- -

The Cherry Orchard 

Scratch the cherries to smell the sweet scent of the blooming orchard. 
Lopakhin's workers are chopping down all the beautiful trees. Whose fault is 
that, the aristocrats or the bourgeoisie? 

- -

One Day in the Life
of Ivan Denisovich 

Ivan needs mortar to build a power station. But this mortar is all frozen! Ivan's 
suffering is boundless. 

- -

Death of Ivan Ilych 

Touch Ivan Ilych's beautiful new curtains. The curtains are expensive, rich 
and lovely. But they are not worth dying for. 

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