501 Russian Verbs

[Stephanie Briggs]

I'm reminded of the scene in Monty Python's "The Life of Brian", where Brian
gets a grammar lesson from a Centurion.

[*Brian is writing graffiti on the palace wall. The Centurion catches him in
the act*]
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: What's this, then?
"Romanes eunt domus"? People called Romanes, they go, the house?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: It says, "Romans go home. "
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: No it doesn't ! What's
the latin for "Roman"? Come on, come on !
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Er, "Romanus" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: Vocative plural of
"Romanus" is?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Er, er, "Romani" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: [*Writes "Romani" over
Brian's graffiti*] "Eunt"? What is "eunt"? Conjugate the verb, "to go" !
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Er, "Ire". Er, "eo", "is",
"it", "imus", "itis", "eunt".
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: So, "eunt" is...?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Third person plural present
indicative, "they go".
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: But, "Romans, go home" is
an order. So you must use...?
[*He twists Brian's ear*]
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Aaagh ! The imperative !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: Which is...?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Aaaagh ! Er, er, "i" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: How many Romans?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Aaaaagh ! Plural, plural, er,
"ite" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: [*Writes "ite"*] "Domus"?
Nominative? "Go home" is motion towards, isn't it?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Dative !
[*the Centurion holds a sword to his throat*]
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Aaagh ! Not the dative, not
the dative ! Er, er, accusative, "Domum" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: But "Domus" takes the
locative, which is...?
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Er, "Domum" !
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: [*Writes "Domum"*]
Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times.
*Brian <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0001037/>*: Yes sir. Thank you, sir. Hail
Caesar, sir.
*Centurion <http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0000092/>*: Hail Caesar ! And if it's
not done by sunrise, I'll cut your balls off.

Funny thing was, when I saw this for the first time, I was pre-empting Brian
on the correct cases he should use ("Accusative! Dative!"). Yeah, I need a
hobby. Actually, I have one; I run my own Etsy knitting business. :)

*****************************
~Stephanie D. (Sures) Briggs
http://sdsures.blogspot.com/

Come have a look at my handmade knitted afghans and scarves!
THIRD SALE: 06/08/10!
http://warmochfuzzy.etsy.com/

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