Two passages from Platonov's HAPPY MOSCOW

[Sentinel76 Astrakhan]

I wouldn't double the "still."  Instead, I'd make it the sentence as succinct as possible:
 
"It's still night and soon will be dew."
 
In fact, translating Platonov, I'd do to English what he did to Russian. :)
 

 

> Date: Thu, 10 Nov 2011 10:44:45 -0500
> From: aisrael at AMERICAN.EDU
> Subject: Re: [SEELANGS] Two passages from Platonov's HAPPY MOSCOW
> To: SEELANGS at bama.ua.edu
> 
> By adding words:
> 
> "The night still stands still and soon the dew will be lying on the 
> ground"
> 
> 
> On Nov 10, 2011, at 9:51 AM, Robert Chandler wrote:
> 
> > Dear all,
> >
> > We are revising our earlier (Harvill) translation for publication 
> > next year by NYRB CLassics.
> >
> > 1. At the beginning of chapter 7, Sartorius and Moscow Chestnova 
> > catch a late tram to the outskirts of Moscow. after getting off the 
> > tram, and not long before they lie down and make love, Sarorius says:
> >
> > -- Товарищ Сарториус, что мы будем 
> > теперь делать? -- спросила Москва. -- 
> > Ведь ночь еще стоит и скоро ляжет 
> > роса...
> >
> > “Comrade Sartorius, what are we going to do now?” asked Moscow. 
> > “It’s still night, soon there’ll be dew on the 
> > ground.” (Harvill ed.)
> >
> > “Comrade Sartorius, what are we going to do now?” asked Moscow. 
> > “It’s still night, soon dew will be lying on the 
> > ground.” (revised)
> >
> > The play between 'stoit' and 'lyazhet' is, in the original, achieved 
> > with great delicacy. Any ideas as to how we might reproduce this?
> >
> > *
> >
> > 2. (A few lines later) Под утро Москва и 
> > Сарториус сели в землемерную яму,
> > обросшую теплым буьяном, 
> > спрятавшемся здесь от культурных 
> > полей, как кулак на хуторе.
> >
> > What is this zemlemernaya yama??? It seems to be an extremely 
> > uncommon phrase, probably Platonov's own. Though it does possibly 
> > evoke its opposite: землемерная вышка.
> >
> > This sentence has to some degree been anticipated a few pages 
> > earlier, in the following: Sartorius smiled bleakly; he would have 
> > liked to remain now in the very lowest place of the earth, or even 
> > to find himself a place in an empty grave and, inseparably from 
> > Moscow Chestnova, live out his life there until death.
> >
> >
> > All the best,
> >
> > Robert
> >
> > Robert Chandler, 42 Milson Road, London, W14 OLD
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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> 
> Alina Israeli
> Associate Professor of Russian
> LFS, American University
> 4400 Massachusetts Ave.
> Washington DC 20016
> (202) 885-2387 fax (202) 885-1076
> aisrael at american.edu
> 
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