Suggested coinages

[Bob Fitzke]

Another one of those lists of creative (as opposed to totured) coinages:

>The Washington Post recently published a contest for readers in which
>they were asked to supply alternate meanings for various words.
>
>The following  were some of the winning entries:
>
>Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
>
>Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
>Carcinoma (n.), a valley in California, notable for its heavy smog.
>
>Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
>Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
>
>Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly
>answer the door in your nightie.
>
>Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
>
>Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
>
>Bustard (n.), a very rude Metrobus driver.
>
>Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
>
>Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are
>run over by a steamroller.
>
>Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
>
>Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
>
>Semantics (n.), pranks conducted by young men studying for the priesthood,
>including such things as gluing the pages of the priest's prayer book
>together just before vespers.
>
>Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist
>
>immediately before he examines you.
>
>Marionettes (n.), residents of Washington who have been jerked around by
>the mayor.
>
>Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish
>expressions.
>
>Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
>
>Frisbatarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up
>on the roof and gets stuck there.
>
>The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any
>word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one
>letter, and supply a new definition.  Here are some recent winners:
>
>Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader
>who doesn't get it.
>
>Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
>
>Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.
>
>Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of obtaining
>sex.
>
>Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.
>
>Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
>
>Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad
>vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like a serious
>bummer.
>
>Glibido: All talk and no action.
>
>Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they
>come at you rapidly.
>
>Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts
>until you realize it was your money to start with.
>
>And, best of all...
>
>Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.