NEW WORDS FOR THE 2000s

[James Smith]

This was just sent to me.  Posting it for your
enjoyment without further comment.

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NEW WORDS FOR THE 2000s

BLAMESTORMING: Sitting around in a group, discussing
why a deadline was missed
or a project failed, and who was responsible.

SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager who flies in, makes a lot
of noise, craps on
everything, and then leaves.

CHAINSAW CONSULTANT: An outside expert brought in to
reduce the
employee head count, leaving the top brass with clean
hands.

CUBE FARM: An office filled with cubicles.

IDEA HAMSTERS: People who always seem to have their
idea generators running.

MOUSE POTATO: The on-line, wired generation's answer
to the couch
potato.

PRAIRIE DOGGING: When someone yells or drops something
loudly in a cube farm,
and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's
going on.

SITCOMs: (Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive
Mortgage) What
yuppies turn into when they have children and one of
them stops working to stay
home with the kids.

SQUIRT THE BIRD: To transmit a signal to a satellite.

STARTER MARRIAGE: A short-lived first marriage that
ends in divorce
with no kids, no property and no regrets.

STRESS PUPPY: A person who seems to thrive on being
stressed out and whiny.

SWIPED OUT: An ATM or credit card that has been
rendered useless
because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive
use.

TOURISTS: People who take training classes just to get
a vacation from their
jobs. "We had three serious students in the class; the
rest were
just tourists.

TREEWARE: Hacker slang for documentation or other
printed material.

XEROX SUBSIDY: Euphemism for swiping free photocopies
from one's
workplace.

ALPHA GEEK: The most knowledgeable, technically
proficient person in an office
or work group.

ASSMOSIS: The process by which some people seem to
absorb success and
advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than
working hard.

CHIPS & SALSA: Chips = hardware, Salsa = software.
"Well, first we
gotta figure out if the problem's in your chips or
your salsa."

FLIGHT RISK: Used to describe employees who are
suspected of planning to leave a
company or department soon.

GOOD JOB: A "Get-Out-Of-Debt" Job. A well-paying job
people take in
order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit
as soon as they are
solvent again.

IRRITAINMENT: Entertainment and media spectacles that
are annoying but you find
yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials
were a
prime example. Bill Clinton's shameful video Grand
Jury testimony is another.

PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE: The fine art of whacking the
heck out of an electronic
device to get it to work again.

UNINSTALLED: Euphemism for being fired. Heard on the
voice-mail of a vice
president at a downsizing computer firm: "You have
reached the number of an
Uninstalled Vice President. Please dial our main
number and ask the operator for
assistance. *(Syn: decruitment.)

VULCAN NERVE PINCH: The taxing hand position required
to reach all the
appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance,
the arm reboot for
a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the
Control key, the
Command Key, the Return Key, and the Power On key.

YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS: The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed
out of ATMs
everywhere.  Often used when trying to split the bill
after a meal, We each owe
$8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps."

SALMON DAY-The experience of spending an entire day
swimming upstream only to
get screwed and die in the end.

CLM - Career Limiting Move - Used among microserfs to
describe
ill-advised activity. Trashing your boss while he or
she is within earshot is a
serious CLM.

ADMINISHPERE - The rarefied organizational layers
beginning just above the rank
and file. Decisions that fall from the adminisphere
are often
profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems
they were
designed to solve.

DILBERTED - To be exploited and oppressed by your
boss. Derived from the
experiences of Dilbert, the geek-in-hell comic strip
character. "I've
been dilberted again. The old man revised the specs
for the fourth time this
week."

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web
error message "404 Not
Found," meaning that the requested document could not
be located.  "Don't bother
asking him . . . he's 404, man."

GENERICA - Features of the American landscape that are
exactly the same no
matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip
malls,
subdivisions.  Used as in "We were so lost in generica
that I forgot what city
we were in."

OHNOSECOND - That minuscule fraction of time in which
you realize that you've
just made a BIG mistake.

UMFRIEND - A sexual relation of dubious standing or a
concealed
intimate relationship, as in "This is Dyan, my ... um
... friend."


=====
James D. SMITH                 |If history teaches anything
SLC, UT                        |it is that we will be sued
jsmithjamessmith at yahoo.com     |whether we act quickly and decisively
                               |or slowly and cautiously.

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