soda, pop, tonic...

[Mark_Mandel at DRAGONSYS.COM]

As threatened. The square-bracketed notes are mine.

-- Mark A. Mandel
   FIJAGH! Now, *filking*, on the other hand...
   http://world.std.com/~mam/filk.html

     ===========

SOME CALL IT SODA
words: John C. Bunnell (Copr. 2000)
  [quoted by permission]
music: trad., Sweet Betsy From Pike [Vilikins and his Dinah]
  [Note: The chorus mutates. The first two lines are constant ("Now some
call.../...cannot stop");
   the last two are in parentheses after each verse.]
  [Note 2: The verse beginning "In Boston it's 'tonic'" and its chorus are my
own dialectological insertion.
   I have modified the grocery list of the preceding chorus, which originally
included Schweppes, to
   steal that brand for the rhyme while avoiding duplication.]

You begin with plain water, as clear as you might,
 Then flavor and sweeten until it tastes right;
 With CO2 bubbles this mixture infuse,
 and you'll have a bev'rage that few can refuse.

Now some call it soda, and some call it pop,
 And some cannot drink it, and some cannot stop;
 (With cherry fudge cola white grape lemon-lime,
 You're sure to find something you like, given time.)

Now first came the colas, with sugar and spice;
 The taste, it was bracing, the fizz, it was nice;
 Though one little tidbit is hard to explain:
 That once classic Coke got its kick from cocaine.

(Squirt Dr. Brown's Bubble-Up Canada Dry;
 You're sure to find something you like, if you try.)

The flavors of citrus are frequently found,
 As sure as the orange and grapefruit are round;
 If lemon-lime bores you, then try tangerine,
 Perhaps Mello Yello, or something in green.

(With green apple celery kiwi root beer,
 It's certain that something you like will appear.)

The spices in soda are sometimes obscure
 (What is sarsaparilla?  I'm really not sure);
 The roots in my root beer I fear I don't know;
 As for Dr. Pepper -- no, there let's not go.

(Since Mr. Pibb Sunkist Tab Jones Minute Maid,
 It's certain that something you like is displayed.)

 If sugar's off limits, we've still drinks for you,
 With saccharine, Splenda, and NutraSweet too;
 Just fill up your beaker and cheerfully swig -
 But try not to think of the words "guinea pig".

(With passion fruit bubble gum almond cream peach,
 You're sure to find something you like within reach.)

Now some folk use soft drinks to keep them awake;
 The sodas taste better than pills they might take;
 For true sleep avoidance, the choice must be Jolt --
 The cola so strong it makes rattlesnakes molt!

(On Green River Pepsi RC Diet Rite,
 You're sure to find something you like within sight.)

[In Boston it's "tonic", down South it's all "coke".
 As seltzer, it squirts for an old slapstick joke.
 Whatever you call it, it's loaded with gas,
 Which sounds mighty rude as from you it does pass.

(Whether IBC Mountain Dew Vernor's or Schweppes,
 It's such a relief when you let out a _grepps_!*)
                           * Yiddish for 'belch']

Much more could I tell you, and someday I might,
 But if I tried now, I'd be singing all night;
 Suffice that there's more in that can than you think --
 And now that I'm finished, I sure need a drink!

(With strawberry fu fu ginseng ginger ale,
 It's certain that something you like is for sale.)

              -- April 23, 2000