REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE

[A. Maberry]

For those of us in the PNW (formerly, but rightly, "Oregon Territory")--I
guess that pretty much puts the kibosh on "54.40 or Fight" ...

allen
maberry at u.washington.edu


On Wed, 15 Nov 2000, Tim Frazer wrote:

> Do we give Texas back to Mexico?  I am in Illinois.  I guess that makes me
> French.  Or better yet, Mesquaqui (sp?).  They were here ahead of the
> French.
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Rudolph C Troike <rtroike at U.ARIZONA.EDU>
> To: <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
> Sent: Wednesday, November 15, 2000 9:34 PM
> Subject: REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
>
>
> > This just in:
> >
> > -------------------------------------------------------------------------
> >
> > > What was that about being a laughing stock?
> > >
> > >
> > > NOTICE OF REVOCATION OF INDEPENDENCE
> > >
> > > To the citizens of the United States of America,
> > >
> > > In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to
> > > govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your
> > > independence, effective today.
> > >
> > > Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties
> > over
> > > all states, commonwealths and other territories.  Except Utah, which she
> > > does not fancy.  Your new prime minister (The rt. hon. Tony Blair, MP,
> for
> > > the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world
> > > outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the
> need
> > > for further elections.  Congress and the Senate will be disbanded.  A
> > > questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of
> you
> > > noticed.
> > >
> > > To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following
> > Rules
> > > are introduced with immediate effect:
> > >
> > > 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
> Then
> > > look up "aluminium".  Check the pronunciation guide.  You will be amazed
> > at
> > > just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.  Generally, you should
> > raise
> > > your vocabulary to acceptable levels.  Look up "vocabulary". Using the
> > same
> > > twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and
> "you
> > > know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication.  Look up
> > > "interspersed".
> > >
> > > 2. There is no such thing as "US English".  We will let Microsoft know
> on
> > > your behalf.
> > >
> > > 3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.
> It
> > > really isn't that hard.
> > >
> > > 4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the
> > > good guys.
> > >
> > > 5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The
> Queen",
> > > but only after fully carrying out task 1.  We would not want you to get
> > > confused and give up half way through.
> > >
> > >  6. You should stop playing American "football".  There is only one kind
> > of
> > > football.  What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good
> > > game.  The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your
> > > borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football.
> You
> > > will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper
> > > football.  Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls.  It
> > is
> > > a difficult game.  Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed
> to
> > > play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not
> involve
> > > stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body
> > armour
> > > like nancies).  We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens
> > > side by 2005.
> > >
> > > 7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if
> > > they give you any merde.  The 98.85% of you who were not aware that
> there
> > > is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The
> > Russians
> > > have never been the bad guys.
> > >
> > > 8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday.  November 7th will be a new
> > > national holiday, but only in England.  It will be called "Indecisive
> > Day".
> > >
> > > 9. All American cars are hereby banned.  They are crap and it is for
> your
> > > own good.  When we show you German cars, you will understand what we
> mean.
> > >
> > > 10. Please tell us who killed JFK.  It's been driving us crazy.
> > >
> > > Thank you for your cooperation.
> > >
> > >
>