More John Crosby Radio & Television (1953)

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OFF BEAT

   From John Crosby's RADIO AND TELEVISION, NEW YORK HERALD TRIBUNE, 14 June 1953, section 4, pg. 1, col. 5:

   So, NBC, in a surprising burst of initiative, threw in "Eye Witness," which they described as "off beat" mystery.  "Off beat" is one of those phrases--almost a word now--which covers a lot of sins.  The first "off beat" mystery was about a brain doctor's inhuman experiments in schizophrenia in German concentration camps.

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GRANT'S TOMB (continued)

   From the NYHT, 3 July 1953, pg. 14, col. 1:

   According to a rough count, there are now about twenty hours of quiz shows on network television.  Of course, that's extending the quiz category pretty broadly.  It includes, for instance, Groucho Marx blandly asking a studio contestant if he knows who is buried in Grant's Tomb.

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CROSBY'S CLICHE COLLECTION

   From the NYHT, 24 June 1953, pg. 21, col. 1:

_"At Last I'm Seeing You as You Really Are"_
_or_
_Ann Sheridan Rides Again_
   I was watching a little stinker on Ford Theater the other night called "Malaya Incident" when Ann Sheridan, playing a real tough bad girl, looked the handsome rubber planter in the eye and said:
   "Rubber!  Is that all that counts in this stinking jungle?  Don't people count, too?"
   It's a great line, eminently suitable for my Cliche Collection.  In fact, the author became so entranced with that notion that he couldn't keep away from it and a little while later we hear Miss Sheridan exclaim: "I'm afraid you know rubber better than people, Mr. Hunter."
   Later, love rears its pretty blonde curls and when the tough girl's tough pal asks her what's wrong, why, in short, she's acting so funny, she stares off into the jungle and says: "Something you wouldn't understand." (...)
   Now that Hollywood is running off with so many of the TV dramatic shows, I expect we'll be in for a raft of this sort of thing and I feel it my duty to gird you for what is to come.
   There's bound to be that great scene--"Why, Evelyn, have you forgotten what Mark did to you?"
   "All I know, Mother, is that Mark needs me and I must go to him."
   "Malaya Incident" was a jungle story and somehow they left out a line--maybe it landed (Col. 2--ed.) on the cutting room floor--without which no jungle picture can long endure.  "Those drums!--They're driving me _mad_, MAD!"
   One of these fine days the TV people will get music in their blood like the movie folk and then you can expect this little interchange:
   "Who is that rude young man who plays the piano so badly?"
   "That is Frederic Chopin."
   Or the other one:
   "Forget about all those people out there and sing to me!"
   "But, Mr. Iturbi, I'm scared."
   Then the religious pictures will come along and--"I think that God will understand, son.  Why don't you have a talk with Him about it?"
   And there will always be Westerns.
   "And who are you, anyway?"
   "My name is (pause) Simkins."
   "Simkins!  Not the man who tamed Dodge City!"
   The psychological thriller: "Why do you--look at me like that?"  Or the straight detective stuff: "We thought you might know who he's shielding."
   "I?  Why--uh--how should I know?"
   I can't wait for the movie folk to rediscover the mysterious East, and then we can expect:
   "And how are you feeling, Fu Chan?"
   "When the honorable dragon's shadow falls across the grave of venerable ancestor, it darkens the lives of rich and poor alike."
   Or perhaps we're in for a run of sociological drama about our juvenile delinquents and then--"Listen!  Either a girl is decent or she's not.  There's no half-way business about it.  If Cynthia is such a good girl, what is she doing out with Rodney Penthouse?"
   We cliche collectors are in for a rich harvest.

   From the NYHT, 5 July 1953, section 4, pg. 1, col. 1:

   ...Mr. Douglas--or rather Steve Randall, as he's called in this series--"knows Hollywood like the back of his hand."
(...)(Col. 2--ed.)
   Some of his more profound philosophical utterances:  "Well, man doesn't live by vitamin B alone."  "I never argue with a lady with a gun."  (Another gem for my collection.)  "It's never smart to jump to conclusions."

   From the NYHT, 6 July 1953, pg. 13, col. 1:

   "He's a very nice (Col. 2--ed.) boy--Justin," says the director, "but he can't act his way out of a paper bag."