Kosher Kitty's Kids; More John Crosby

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   An anthrax report in NYC, and more terror.

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KOSHER KITTY'S KIDS

   I couldn't find the play KOSHER KITTY KELLY, but the NYPL's Performing Arts Library had the undated sequel, KOSHER KITTY'S KIDS, by Leon de Costa (1926?).  A character named Ginsburg owns a Jewish delicatessen, so the first play is worth finding.

ACT I, Scene 1, Page 4:
   GINSBURG:  The goy's gone!...
   MRS. COHN:  You should worry!...
   GINSBURG:  Nu, schmoos, I opened another delicatessen store without a counter and I charge de napkins--
I-3-5:
   GINSBURG:  Gevalt!...
   GINSBURG:  Schmutz!...
I-5-3:
   PAT:  I suppose in a few days you'll greet me with "Maseltof" instead of Good Evening and on St. Patrick's Day with "Vergunnegte Jontiff."
I-5-8:
   MRS. COHEN:  For pleasure, you ganiff.
I-5-9:
   GINSBURG:  There you go!  Goils will be goils. ...
   MRS. COHEN:  Yes and boids will be boids.
I-5-16:
   GINSBURG:  Oih!  Gevalt.
II-1-6:
   SILVERSTEIN:  There's trouble--great tsorris--...
II-1-6:
   GINSBURG:  So I go--because I couldn't find the wife with plenty of Mazuma--to a friend of mine...
   GINSBURG:  I haven't had maziltof--more mazil but kind of tough!
II-2-9:
   ISAAC:  Hit him in the kiskers, Toni.
II-2-10:
   ISAAC:  Oh, don't you hate that ponem?
II-3-1:
   MRS. COHEN:  Oih, what a schlemihl you are.
II-3-6:
   GINSBURG:  I could platz!

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JOHN CROSBY's RADIO AND TELEVISION (continued)

   From the NEW YORK HERALD TRIBUNE, 2 April 1954, pg. 21, col. 1:

      _The Ad Agency Language_
   In my researches on the curiously inventive (and, in some cases, remarkably expressive) language of the advertising industry, I have confined myself pretty well to Madison Ave.  But, of course, Madison Ave. isn't the whole story.  You can find ad men all over the place--Chicago, Milwaukee and, naturally, Hollywood--and, while the general tenor of metaphor is the same, there are certain regional differences which I'm sure you students of language will find interesting.
   In Hollywood, for instance, you will encounter the expression: "We were blown out of the tub," which means simply that the agency has lost a client or an account.  When you want a junior account executive to handle detail work, you tell the personnal department: "Get a boy to carry the grips."  There is a slightly larcenous practice out there (and elsewhere) concealing added charges in production fees which increases the agency take above the ordinary 15 per cent.  This is known as "hooking a live one."  (The "live one" is a client with a fat wallet.)  And when a guy fails to make a sale or land a new account, he is said to have "burnt off."
   Out in Chicago they have an expression: "Keep your pores open on this one," which means don't do anything hasty.  (And that, of course, is the general direction of almost all ad agency talk.  The idea is for heaven's sake, be careful.  Don't go rushing into anything.)  And when you have finally decided the idea is definitely lousy, you "pull the chain on that one."
   There is generally, in some of the later Madison Ave. patter, a note of pessimism, if not downright cynicism in their gropings with the spoken word.  Take this one, for example, which is a very real example of Madison Ave.: "Let's roll some rocks and see what crawls out."  Obviously the boys are not expecting much.  In the old days, they used to "mother hen" an idea, or they'd say "let's incubate this and see what hatches," and this, with its intimations of maternity, (Col. 2--ed.) was kind of sweet and touching.  Now, they're rolling rocks and you know what crawls out from under those.
   Of course, candor is something to be avoided at all costs in the advertising dodge, which brought forth this remark from one of the boys seeking guidance: "How shall we handle this.  Do you want to keep anything back or do you want to make it an open-door policy?"  I don't know what the decision was here, but I rather imagine that the "open-door policy" didn't make it.
   I have here one other example of Madison Ave. prose.  I haven't any idea what it means: "I don't think we'll baby that agency any more.  We'll just force-feed them."  As I say, I don't know what it means but I like the idea of an agency being force-fed.  It's high time.
   From one of my spies in Chicago comes word that ad agency-ese is developing what he calls the triple-redundancy.  This is the technique of saying the same thing over and over to make it sound more impressive.  He swears he heard an account executive tell a client: "We'll send this letter to all physicians, doctors and M. D.s."  The same man was overheard to get up at a meeting, thump the table and say: "We'll put our front foot forward."

   From the NYHT, 14 June 1954, pg. 17, col. 1:

   There's precious little in the Madison Avenue file today but I'm happy to pass along what little I have to you scholars of modern English.
   One of the finest little sentences to come out of an ad agency conference in years was proclaimed at a Friday afternoon meeting, to wit: "Let's kick this around over the week end and Monday morning we'll get together and cross-pollinate."  Sex is creeping into everything.
   Another and rather franker expression that you could encounter around the networks these days is "snake talk."  Whenever a man's in a spot where he doesn't want to make a decision but has, regrettably, to say _something_, he indulges in "snake talk," which is to say he wriggles back and forth from yes to no through maybe in such a way as to keep every one hopelessly confused as to where he stands.
   Another expression which is coming up fast, my spies tell me, is "the dramatic plus."  You can make quite a score with this one.  Let us say some one is outlining, before your little group an act whereby a guy dives from a 100-foot tower into a damp washcloth.  From the back of the room you speak up quietly and say: "But where's the dramatic plus?"  This indicates a great zest for perfection and, at the same time, tosses the ball into the other guy's court very nicely.  Men have been known to make vice-president on less than that.
   And if you're seeking new ways to say "I like it but let's, for God's sake, go slowly"--as who isn't on Madison Avenue--here are a couple that should get you through the morning.  "Let's smear it on the cat and see if she licks it off."  Or: "Let's send it on a local and see if it comes back express."
   You'll have to get through the afternoon on your own.  Tht's all I got on hand at the moment.