Ford Smiles (1917); Vice, Inc. (1954)

[Bapopik at AOL.COM]

   For the record, I once worked in the World Trade Center...My cousin runs the American Embassy in Bulgaria...My family is at risk, probably as much as anyone's on this list.
   Tuesday's attack prevented me from traveling (at great personal expense) to the East and recording Islamic words and proverbs.

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FORD SMILES:
ALL THE BEST CURRENT JOKES
ABOUT A RATTLING GOOD CAR
Gathered by Carleton B. Case
Charles S, Pratt, NY
1917

   The author also wrote some books on wit and humor that are perhaps worth looking into.  This book has "pedestrian," but unfortunately no "jaywalker."

Pg. 3:  What perversity of human nature has developed the recent propensity to "josh" a wonderful machine, that has benefited the very people who laugh at their own "tin lizzies" and "henrys"?

Pg. 25:
   HOW THEY PRONOUNCE IT
   (New York)
There once was a reckless Ford chauffeur,
Who chanced to catch up with a gopher.
   He of course ran him down,
   Then inquired, with a frown,
"Now, what were you going so slow fer?"
   (Boston)
In Boston they tell of a chauffeur,
A very eccentric old duffer,
   Who blows his Ford horn
   From night until morn,
And makes all the neighborhood suffer.
   (Chicago)
Another peculiar Ford chauffeur
Creates a continual stir.
   He is blind in both eyes,
   And when driving he tries
A smash-up is bound to occur.
   (Philadelphia)
Still another too speedy Ford chauffeur
When arrested seemed hardly to care.
   If put into jail,
   He is let out on bail,
And is soon again speeding for fair.

Pg. 82:
   IN THE FUTURIST DICTIONARY
   Ford--An insect inhabiting the roads of most of the civilized world, principally the United States.  Commonly known as "road-louse" and "mechanical cock-roach."  It is supposed to multiply very rapidly, as it was almost unknown a few years ago, and now infests the highways.  It is harmless, and has seldom been known to attack a pedestrian.

   SO LONG?
   "Why is it called a runabout?"
   "Because it will run about a mile without stopping."

Pg. 121:
   FORD NOMENCLATURE
   The man who owns one calls it MY CAR.
   The man who does not own one calls them
   Rattlers,
   Tin lizzies,
   Little henrys,
   Flivvers,
   Mechanical cockroaches--
anything he thinks of.

Pg. 141:  The "left-hand drive and right arm squeeze" method of driving is to be stopped in and around St. Louis, according to reports received from there.  The prosecuting attorney of St. Louis county made an investigation of conditions and found that the number of "one-armed" drivers was surprising and a menace to other motorists.

(At least they weren't making cell phone calls--ed.)

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VICE, INC.
by Joachim Joesten
Ace Books, Inc, NY
1954

   DOPE, INC., by the same author, is missing from the NYPL.  Another shot for Gerald Cohen's inter-library loan staff.

Pg. 18:
   In the Romance languages, the prevailing term is "traffic in whites" (French: _traite des blacnhes_; Spanish: _trata de las blancas_; Italian: _tratta delle bianche_).  All of these phrases are basically wrong because no color limitation is involved in actual practice.
   (Pg. 19--ed.)   The Germans, again, speak of "_Madchenhandel_," which presupposes another non-existent limitation.  For the traffickers, needless to say, deal not only in young girls ("_Madchen_"), but also in married women, widows and children.

Pg. 64:  From Trieste, Genoa, Naples and Brindisi, among other Italian ports, the bales of "blonde silk," the sacks of "green vegetables"--the trade term for girls under age--are shipped to the far corners of the earth.

Pg. 123:  _America: The Call-Girl System_

(No prostitution "Big Apple" citation, of course--ed.