Ivy League; Aztec Two-Step (1953)

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Sat Sep 22 23:18:05 UTC 2001


IVY LEAGUE

   I was recently brousing the Chicago Public Library's web site.  It states that Charles Anderson Dana coined "Windy City" just before 1893.  It also informs that "Ivy League" (a frequently asked question) comes from the league of four colleges (Yale, Harvard, Princeton, Columbia), or "IV League."
  If someone told you this, you'd tell that person to get to a library.  BUT THIS IS THIS LIBRARY!
  Some 1920s citations that I have come very close to "Ivy League," but I can't find them now. I think they're from the "Subway Series" search (October 1923 & 1936).

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AZTEC TWO-STEP
by Stuart Sherman
Greenberg Publishers, NY
1953

   Lighter's RHHDAS lists only the title to this work as the first entry for "Aztec Two-Step," so maybe he didn't read it.  I was looking for "Montezuma's Revenge," which is not here.
  Pg. 11:  While it is true that the word "Touristas" is Mexican slang for tourists, the word as used here has a much more ominous meaning.  It describes an amoebic "bug" you can get in tropical climates or, in fact, anywhere else.  To set the record straight, the "Touristas" is atom-powered, supersonic diarrhea and _nothing_ more.  We had a spell at the World's Fair in Chicago in 1934 and, reputedly, Texas Guinan died of it and, no matter how you describe it, it's a _Hell_ of a thing!  The Mexicans have another name that is even better; at least, it's less serious.  They call it 'The Aztec Two-Step."  If you are one of the uninformed, let me explain that the Aztecs were one of a number of Indian tribes that lived in Mexico, that were noted for the dizzy pace at which they moved.  It is said, without fear of contradiction, that an Aztec brave (Pg. 12--ed.) could run the hundred yard dash in the world shattering time of nine seconds, while going sideways in a two-step at the same speed he was going forward.  As
 the name applies to the "Touristas" it is descriptive of the speed at which you negotiate the distance between your bed and the "john."

Pg. 90:  Late that night I made several signs on toilet paper and hung them on the outside of my door for the staff to see.  They said: "_I'M_ FAIRLY INTELLIGENT MYSELF BUT I HAVE A LOT OF STUPID HELP AROUND _HERE_."  I also tacked up the following signs, put out by Tanner and Company in Indianapolis, for the patients and the doctors to read: "IN CASE OF ATOM BOMB ATTACK, HIDE UNDER THE URINAL.  NO ONE EVER HITS _IT_."  "YOU HAVE A PERFECT RIGHT TO YOUR OPINION--PROVIDED IT AGREES WITH _MINE_."  "YOUR CALL HAS CLIMAXED AN ALREADY _DULL_ DAY."  "I'M NOT HARD OF HEARING (Pg. 91--ed.) --I'M JUST IGNORING _YOU_."  "WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?--IF YOU'LL _FORGIVE_ THE OVERSTATEMENT."

Pg. 158:  The next day she came back with what she had typed out and after reading it, I thought it exceedingly funny, even though I knew that I was full of that "hop juice."

Pg. 178:  Fortunately, no nurses were around at the moment, having their "coffee break," as they called it.



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