Good job! (was Dweeb (1964))

[David Bowie]

From:    Steve Clason <stevec at TOPDOGSTRATEGY.COM>
: On 8/3/2004 9:06 PM Tom Kysilko wrote:

:: Perhaps this had been going on for a while, and as new parents we
:: became suddenly atuned to what people were saying to their children.
:: But it sure felt as if some child-rearing (excuse me, parenting) guru
:: had proclaimed, "Thou shalt praise thy children with the words, 'Good
:: job!'"  Does anyone know if there's any justification for this feeling?

: I recall being informed by my wife that "Good girl!" (I have
: daughters, now in college) praises the person while "Good job!" praises
: the action--the idea is to separate the value of the person from the
: results of the effort, thereby preventing failure from undermining self
: esteem.

: No way she made that up. It must have been floating around in the mid
: '80s.

As the father of 5yo and 3yo daughters, i'm familiar with the negative
version of that--that "You were bad!" criticizes the child, while "You did a
bad thing!" criticizes the action, thus allowing the child to be happy with
itself while unhappy with its actions.

IME, children are pretty much able to tell that "You did a bad thing!" is
criticizing them, as well, but sometimes one has to alter one's language to
keep the peace at home...

David Bowie                                         http://pmpkn.net/lx
    Jeanne's Two Laws of Chocolate: If there is no chocolate in the
    house, there is too little; some must be purchased. If there is
    chocolate in the house, there is too much; it must be consumed.