Handbook of Conundrums (1913); Opposite of progress (1928); ADS-L archives

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ADS-L ARCHIVES
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The ADS-L archives appear to be down.
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HANDBOOK OF CONUNDRUMS
by Edith B. Ordway
New York: Sully and Kleinteich
1913
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This is a fairly comprehensive book. I've looked at a book in the late 1920s that appears to have copied the same ones, word for word.
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Pg. 5: Carpenters are the most civil men because they never do their business without a rule.
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Pg. 18: WHERE was Time raised? In the lapse of ages.
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Pg. 20: At what time was Adam born? A little before Eve.
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Pg. 24: Where di Noah keep his bees? In the Archives.
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Pg. 25: Why was Moses the wickedest man that ever lived? Because he broke all the Ten Commandments at once.
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Pg. 26: Why would it be impossible to starve in the desert of Sahara? Because of the sandwiches (sand which is) there.
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Pg. 63: What word contains the five vowels in their order? Facetious.
Pg. 63: Y y u r y y u b i c u r y y for me. Too wise you are, too wise you be; I see you are too wise for me.
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Pg. 65: When did "Chicago" begin with a "C" and end with an "e"? Chicago always began with a "C" and "end" always began with an "e."
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Pg. 68: How do you spell "blind pig" in two letters? PG, pig without an I.
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Pg. 74: Though I dance at a ball, yet am I nothing at all. A shadow.
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Pg. 77: How many sides has a pitcher? Two, inside and outside.
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Pg. 79: Why is it vulgar to send a telegram? Because it is making use of flash language.
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Pg. 80: What kind of servants are best for hotels? The inn-experienced.
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Pg. 83: Why is a turkey a fashionable bird? Because he always appears well dressed.
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Pg. 89: What is it which more people lie under than upon? The gravestone.
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Pg. 91: What is the longest word in the English language? Smiles, because it has a mile between is first and last letters.
Pg. 91: Which is heavier, a pound of gold or a pound of feathers? A pound of feathers, which weigh a pound avoidupois; a pound of gold is a pound troy. (An old trick question!--ed.)
Pg. 91: What is the first thing you do when you get into bed? You make an impression.
Pg. 91: When is a thief like a reporter? When he takes notes.
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Pg. 94: What is the best thing to make in a hurry? Haste.
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Pg. 95: When is a pint of milk not a pint? WHen it's condensed.
Pg. 95: What has four legs and only one foot? A bedstead.
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Pg. 97: Why are lawyers such uneasy sleepers? Becuase they lie first on one side, and then on the other, and remain wide awake all the time.
Pg. 98: And what do they do when they die? Lie still.
Pg. 98: When is a lawyer like a donkey? When drawing a conveyance.
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Pg. 105: Which is the left side of a plum pudding? The part that is not eaten.
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Pg. 109: What is that which never asks questions, yet requires many answers? The door-knocker.
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Pg. 114: Why are you most likely to miss the 12:50 train? It is ten to one if you catch it.
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Pg. 125: What is Hobson's choice? Mrs. Hobson.
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Pg. 130: What rose is "born to blush unseen"? Neg-roes.
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Pg. 133: What makes the ocean get angry? It has been crossed so often.
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Pg. 143: What is the smallest room in the world? The mush-room.
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Pg. 144: What is that which belongs to yourself, yet is used by every one more than yourself? Your name.
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Pg.  146: Why is a lawyer like an honest man? He is a man of deeds as well as of words.
Why does a young man study law? To get on.
Why does he continue in the profession? To get honor.
Why does he leave the profession? To get honest.
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Pg. 147: What is that which if you name it even you break it? SIlence.
Pg. 147: What is that which you can keep even after giving it to somebody else? Your word.
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Pg. 148: What is that which is white, black, and red all over, which shows some people to be green, and makes others look black and blue? A newspaper.
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Pg. 152: Which travels faster, heat or cold? Heat, because you can easily catch cold.
Pg. 152: I am forever, yet was never. Eternity.
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Pg. 159: Why must a fisherman be very wealthy? Because his is all net profit.
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Pg. 164: When does a man sneeze three times? When he cannot help it.
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Pg. 165: How many peas in a pint? One.
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Pg. 166:
What have feet and walk not? Stoves.
What have eyes and see not? Potatoes.
What have noses but smell not? Teapots.
What have hands but work not? CLocks.
What have mouths but eat not? RIvers.
What have ears but hear not? Cornstalks.
What have tongues but talk not? Wagons.
Why do we all go to bed? Because the bed will not come to us.
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Pg. 173: What comes after cheese? Mouse.
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Pg. 174: When is a sailor not a sailor? When he is aloft.
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Pg. 178: What is that which we often return but never borrow? THanks.
Pg. 178: What animals are always seen at a funeral? Black kids.
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Pg. 180: How do you make a Maltese cross? Pull its tail.
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WHAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS?
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I haven't seen this much. It must not be that old.
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(NEWSPAPERARCHIVE)
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   Evening State Journal Saturday, April 14, 1928 Lincoln, Nebraska
...definitions. The OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS in CONGRESS. Business talk for.....Gibbish AND Schmultz will be North AND South. Messrs. Whitehead AND Work..
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   Hill City Times Thursday, November 16, 1995 Hill City, Kansas
...the OPPOSITE OF pro, is CONGRESS the OPPOSITE OF PROGRESS? if olive oil comes.....cf Kansas. Gary AND Janlce Renfro AND their children, Christy, Aaron AND..