Precious Nonsense (1895) ("Hen Reward Beecher" poem)

[Bapopik at AOL.COM]

You do an extra search, the computer stops, another ten bucks to Kinko's. Ah
well, thank goodness I make no money and lost everything in the stock market
this week.
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PRECIOUS NONSENSE
by Francis & Newton (Newton Mackintosh)
New York: SImpson & Lyall
1895
(not paginated)
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There was a young lady of Niger
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside
And the smile on the face of the tiger.
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An old lady in Nicaragua
Had her back hair bit off by a jaguar, (Compare with the auto commercial--ed.)
She said to him, "Ha!"
He said to her, "Bah!"
What a vile, artificial old hag you are!
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There once was an eloquent preacher
Who said to a hen, "You dear creature!"
When she, just for that,
Laid three eggs in his hat.
And thus did the Henry Ward Beecher.
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(This one is famous. I was searching for "hen" and "eggs" and "Henry Ward
Beecher" when the computer died--ed.)
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KHAKI KOMEDY
by Sergeant-Major Edward D. Rose
Chicago: The Howell Publishing Co.
1918
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Read it in the spirit in which it is written and remember that our soldier's
own song bids us:
"Pack your troubles in your old kit bag,
And Smile, Smile, Smile."
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Pg. 16:
I tossed a bomb into the air;
It came to earth right over there;
And when that little bomb it fell
A dozen Fritzies went to Hell.
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Pg. 19:
WANTED: AN INTERPRETER
A guest ordering his dinner at a fashionable hotel.
"Noodle soup, veal cutlet with tomato sauce and a cream puff."
"Bowl of submarines, camouflage the calf and a custard grenade."