church key 'beer-can opener' is obsolete

[Dennis R. Preston]

Damn you Butters! If you're gong to call us old protestant boys
"purile" you'd better spell it right.

dInIs (whose boys may already be out lookin fer you)

>In a message dated 2/25/05 12:04:32 PM, sagehen at WESTELCOM.COM writes:
>
>
>>  If I must drink from a can I'd much rather it be opened by the old-style
>>  triangular punch, which produces a reasonable facsimile of a lipped rim,
>>  than by the self-opener that produces a round hole leaving a flange that
>>  delivers dribbles.
>>  A. Murie
>>
>
>Flange? What flange? The modern pop-top is scientifically engineered NOT to
>dribble!!!
>
>But be that as it may, surely the number of people who feel this way about
>the relative dribbileational merit of old-fashioned punched holes is too small
>to keep alive a slang term such as CHRUCH KEY. Surely most people who are this
>particular about their holes simply pour the beer into a glass rather thaqn go
>to the trouble of finding a puch-style opener. Moreover, though I failed to
>note this, the anecdote actually spoke of a beer bottle rather than a can.
>Whether one twists the top off or opens the bottle with a tool, the
>hole stays the
>same.
>
>In my memory, the few times that I have tried to open a modern aluminum can
>using the old-fashioned punch-type opener (i.e., when the pull-off tab was
>defective), it did not work very well. The aluminum can was not designed to be
>opened that way, and the lip tended to squash and bend before the
>hole got made
>properly. The result was a hole that was much worse, dribblewise, than any
>pre-conditioned pop-top hole could ever be.
>
>At any rate, in my experience the term CHURCH KEY was used ironically among
>youths from the sort of protestant backgrounds that looked askance at the use
>of alcoholic beverages. It was most commonly used when consuming
>beer illegally
>and furtively. The idea was to get the beer into your stomach as quickly and
>bountifully as possible. It really didn't matter at all what the hole was
>like. It seems unlikely that folks who worry about a little dribble would be
>particularly drawn to what is essentially purile humor in labelling
>the implement
>by means of which they open their beers.


--
Dennis R. Preston
University Distinguished Professor
Department of Linguistics and Germanic, Slavic,
        Asian and African Languages
Wells Hall A-740
Michigan State University
East Lansing, MI 48824-1027 USA
Office: (517) 353-0740
Fax: (517) 432-2736