Churchill & Mrs. Astor repartee--in 1902!

[Benjamin Zimmer]

On Mon, 24 Jan 2005 03:19:14 EST, Bapopik at AOL.COM wrote:

>_IN  NEW PLAYS_
>(http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?index=0&did=101222024&SrchMode=1&sid=14&Fmt=10&VInst=PROD&VType=PQD&RQT=309&VName=HNP&TS=1106554110&clientId
>=65882)
>Where the Laughs Come. By "A.K.".  New York Times (1857-Current file). New
>York, N.Y.: Sep  28, 1902. p. 27 (1 page)
>...
>These lines are saved from "Captain Molly," in which Elizabeth Tyree
>appeared at the Manhattan:
>...
>Bunner--If I were your husband I'd give you poison.
>Molly--If I were your wife I'd take it.
>..
>...
>_HERE  IN WASHINGTON_
>(http://proquest.umi.com/pqdweb?index=1&did=260085892&SrchMode=1&sid=15&Fmt=10&VInst=PROD&VType=PQD&RQT=309&VName=HNP&TS=1106554533&cl
>ientId=65882)
>The Washington Post (1877-1954).  Washington, D.C.: Sep 30, 1906. p. ES4 (1
>page)
>...
>"Mr. Blank, if I were your wife, I'd give you a cup of poison."
>"Madam," he responded, without a smile. "If you were my wife, I'd be glad
>to drink it."

Taking it back to 1900...

Scored Last.
Chicago Tribune, Jan 3, 1900, p. 12
"If I had a husband like you," she said, with concentrated scorn, "I'd
give him poison!"
"Mad'm," he rejoined, looking her over with a feeble sort of smile, "'f I
had a wife like you I'd take it."
[Also reprinted in: Washington Post, Jan 11, 1900. p. 6]

Mutually Agreeable (from the Boston Transcript)
Los Angeles Times, Jan 7, 1900, p. IM9
"If you were my husband, sir, I'd give you a dose of poison!"
The man looked at her. "If I were your husband," said he, "I'd take it!"


And two later iterations...

Illinois Club Women Tell Stories, "the Funniest They Ever Heard."
Chicago Tribune, Oct 25, 1908, p. A3
"If I were your wife I would give you poison."
He turned, looked here from top to toe with deepest contempt and replied:
"Well, bedad, I'd take it."

Tit for Tat (from the Kansas City Independent)
Washington Post, Aug 5, 1909, p. 6
"If you were my husband I'd give you poison."
"Well, mum," returned the Irishman, as he puffed away at his pipe, "if you
wuz me wife I'd take it."
[Also reprinted in: Atlanta Constitution, Aug 25, 1910, p. 3]


--Ben Zimmer