Whole Nine Yards (1955!)

[Jonathan Lighter]

I am about ready to believe that this story is the origin of the phrase. The grotesque sexual reference provides one explanation for why "the whole nine yards" seems first to have became idiomatic in the military and why cites in "polite" sources do not appear early on.

JL

Benjamin Zimmer <bgzimmer at RCI.RUTGERS.EDU> wrote:
---------------------- Information from the mail header -----------------------
Sender: American Dialect Society
Poster: Benjamin Zimmer
Subject: Re: Whole Nine Yards (1955!)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barry was on his lunch hour when he posted the response from Richard
Stratton, so he was unable to include the attachment. I've appended it
below.

--Ben Zimmer

-------

The Continuing Saga of the Courtship
of
Andrew MacTavish and Mary Margaret MacDuff

A brief summary missing, a Scottish burr and tonal inflections.
[To be read in the locker room after consuming a pint of Scotch or a
six-pack of beer.]

Andy resolved to knit a scarf for his beloved Margaret Mary as a birthday
present. As usual in his enthusiasm he kept on knitting and knitting until
the scarf extended some nine yards of extremely florid colors and ugly
pattern. However, it was a measure of his love for Margaret Mary.

On Saturday night, Andy went out drinking with the boys, wearing his kilt
and having Margaret Mary’s gift wrapped around his neck. Naturally his
shipmates in the course of the evening made great fun of the ugly
accoutrement.

Well after midnight and well into his cups, Andy was having second
thoughts about the present he had lavished so much attention upon. He
decided that the only way to resolve his doubts was to show the scarf to
Margaret Mary, without indicating that it was her present, and get a sense
of her approval and delight.

So, drunk as a skunk, Andy took off over hill and dale, through the heath
and heather and stumbling across stone walls and bushy obstacles. In his
enthusiasm and rising ardour at the thought of seeing Margaret Mary and
that in her night clothes, he didn’t realize that he had not only lost the
scarf but also his kilt.

Sexually stimulated, buck-naked from the waist down (answering the
question as to what a Scotsman wears under his kilts), and with a massive
erection, Andy starts throwing stones at Margaret Mary’s second story
bedroom window. After displacing about a yard of gravel, Margaret Mary
sleepily opens the window and gazes with amazement at her betrothed in all
his glory.

Andy, still well out of it, shouts: “Margaret Mary, I have made this,
wrapped around my neck, just for you? I am going to give it to you on your
birthday. How do you like it?”

Margaret Mary, forever the shy maiden, looks with amazement at her beloved
and becomes fixated on his lower extremity; being the first time she has
ever seen such a thing. She is at a loss for words.

Andy again shouts: “Well girl, how do you like it?”

Nonplused, staring at his impressively engorged member she stuttered out:
“ Just fine, Andy dear, just fine. It is magnificent.”

Andy, still seeking more praise for the results of his knitting industry
expended on the missing scarf and conscious of the ridicule of his friends
asked: “The whole nine yards?”
-------


---------------------------------
Yahoo! Mail Mobile
 Take Yahoo! Mail with you! Check email on your mobile phone.