Driving Tips for our 2006 Superbowl Guests

[James A. Landau]

passed along to me by our cantor, who is from Detroit:

>> Driving Tips for our 2006 Superbowl  Guests:
>>
>>
>> 1. First, you must learn to  pronounce the city name. It's Di-troit, NOT
>> DEE-troit. If you  pronounce it DEE-Troit then we will assume you are
>> from Toledo  and here for the country Music hoe-down.
>>
>> 2. Forget the  traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Detroit has its own
>> version of  traffic rules... Hold on and pray!
>>
>> 3. The morning rush  hour is from 6:00am to 10:00am. The evening rush
>> hour  is from  3:00pm to 7:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts Thursday
morning.
>>  Weekends are open game.
>>
>> 4. If you actually stop at a  yellow light, you will be rear-ended,
>> cussed  out and possibly  shot. If you're first off the starting line when
the
>> light turns  green, count to five before going. This will avoid getting in
>>  the  way of cross-traffic who just ran their yellow light to keep  from
>> getting shot.
>>
>> 5. Schoenherr can ONLY be  properly pronounced by a native of the  Detroit
>> metro area.  That goes for Gratiot too.
>>
>> 6. Construction and  renovation on I-94,I-96, I-75, I-275, I-375, The
>> Lodge and The  Southfield Freeways are a way of life. Just deal with  it.
>>
>> 7. If someone actually has their turn signal on, it  is probably a factory
>> defect or they are  "out-of-towners."
>>
>> 8. All old men with white hair wearing  a hat have total right-of-way.
>>
>> 9. The minimum acceptable  speed on I-696 is 85 regardless of the posted
>> speeds. Anything less  is considered downright SISSY. Oh, and don't even
>> think of allowing  more than one car length between cars!
>>
>> 10. That  attractive wrought iron on the windows and doors in Detroit is
>> NOT  ornamental. DO NOT get out of your car.
>>
>> 11. Never stare  at the driver of the car with the bumper sticker that
>> reads "Keep  honking, I'm reloading."
>>
>> 12. If you are in the left  lane, and only going 70 in a 60 mph zone,
>> people are not waving  'because they are so friendly in Detroit. I would
>> suggest you  duck.
>>
>> 13. I-275/I-696 is our daily version of  NASCAR.
>>
>> 14. It's not M-10, it's "the  Lodge".
>>
>> 15. That's not a lake, it's a  pothole.
>>
>> 16. If someone tells you it's on Outer Drive,  you better hope you have  a
>> map.
>>
>> 17.  The left turn is simple. If you want to turn left, go a 1/4 of a  mile
>> past your turn, get to the left, then make a left, then make a  right.
>> NOW you have gone left.
>>
>> ENJOY YOUR  STAY, BUT AVOID EYE-CONTACT WITH THE LOCALS