Eggcorns? Malaprops?

[JAMES A. LANDAU Netscape. Just the Net You Need.]

Some misuses of the English language, collected back when I worked at the Corps of Engineers (1982-84):

A suit filed in Montgomery County, MD, stated:
      Your plaintiff therefore demands judgment and execution against both
      defendants, jointly and severely, in the amount of FIFTY THOUSAND DOLLARS.

A produce dealer advertised “large naval oranges” which wouldn’t have bothered me so much except that the sign appeared the day after the Battleship New Jersey shot its way into the headlines.

Emission and function statement

…ability to compost non-technical documents

Reel-time systems

I will need to have a hand out for the operations workshop

A TWX [Teletype message] be sent to all field offices in forming them of the errors in the transmittal letter.

Office-shelf software  [this one was typed by an engineer who knew better, but who soon afterwards got disability retirement for narcolepsy.  In the same document he also typed "innumerolus"]

           James A. Landau
           test engineer
           Northrop-Grumman Information Technology
           8025 Black Horse Pike, Suite 300
           West Atlantic City NJ 08232 USA

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LQJPG PHHPL MHZRP TQGEX CHPTJ DYAVC AABRG AZONG
LHXLQ KYWEI ALSNL
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Netscape.  Just the Net You Need.

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The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org