I before E

[Brian Hitchcock]

   I goes before E (at least that's what they told me)

   So my grief was quite brief, I was quickly relieved.

   I retrieve this rule often, because I believe.

   Now you tell me it's just for the sound of plain old E!

   (and Keith, Neil and Sheila don't even agree?!)



   I suppose that when hearing the sound I or A in

   a word, E goes first (if it goes without sayin')!

   Though I won't feign the requisite weight or the sleight,

   nor the might to heist even the smallest of feists,

   still I can't fathom Einstein, in dark hills of night,
   deigning to ride neighbors' sleighs to their heights.



   I'm proficient in science, my conscience is ancient,

   My babies will never get rabies or scabies.

   My species is special, my financiers prescient,

   (Deficient? No, conscientiously patient!)



   When conceiving all ceilings that I might perceive,

   I receive great feelings, for I am not deceived

   when I find the C followed by E, then by I.

   But I yield to unwieldy shields on the frieze

   (for, in bas relief, there aren't any Cs!)



   Pleistocene was an epoch, seismographs plot earth's tones,

   Sleight of hand's for magicians, and gneiss is just stone.



   Now, I won't be deceived by the IE in plurals--

      parties and policies, gravies and such--

   Nor by -ier and -iest, they just tell me how much

   my rules are comparatively better than your rules.



   There are a few more you might want to be aware of -

   not as exceptions, but something to treasure:

      Weird foreign sheiks seize a weir at their leisure,

      O'Reilly and Feingold paint in plein aire for pleasure,

      Seismologists show gaiety, spontaneity in seizures.

   (but honestly, why would we even care, Luv?)







Brian Hitchcock

Technical Writer

Manhattan Beach, CA



      "Never suck on a mischievous friend's codeine-soaked handkerchief."

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The American Dialect Society - http://www.americandialect.org