(fairly) new (but unlisted) "benefits"

[Ben Zimmer]

On Fri, Aug 5, 2011 at 12:02 PM, Laurence Horn wrote:
>
> On Aug 5, 2011, at 11:26 AM, Ben Zimmer wrote:
>>
>> Starting in '98, we see it used more in the "fuck buddy" sense, e.g.:
>>
>> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.romance/msg/aac2adcff389825c
>>
> This will be an interesting entry when it's written.  Assuming Morissette's usage
> ends up bracketed for the reasons we've discussed, does Mr. Friedman get credit
> for first cite?  None of the google books cites in the relevant (fuck-buddy-plus)
> sense predates this.  I add the "plus" because one of the cites I was browsing
> distinguished FWB from fuck buddy on the one side—fuck buddies aren't
> necessarily friends, after all—as well as romantic (or "relationshippy") partner
> (not to mention soulmate, as in the '96 ad above).  I am kidding, mostly,
> because Friedman obviously didn't originate the term in this sense, he
> presupposes familiarity with it, but where do we go from here?

Perhaps the polyamorous community holds the missing link. From Usenet again:

---
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.personals/msg/7c4bf0b0b5c24aa0
alt.personals, Apr. 6, 1996
We are a Portland Couple looking for a single female. We are
looking for someone to meet, get along with, have great times
with, and fullfill Fantasies. The fantasies fullfilled will
include yours. ...
We are not really interested in meeting couples, or having The
female half of a couple participate, while the male looks on.
This is not an ad for just sex, as we are looking for a friend as
well.  I guess you could say, "A friend with Benefits"
---
http://groups.google.com/group/alt.polyamory/msg/15314ef25d2a380e
alt.polyamory, Aug. 5, 1997
>A term that I have used off and on in the past that has served me well
>is FAL.  Friend And Lover.  It's pretty descriptive of when a good
>friend is also someone with whom I share sex, but with whom I'm not in
>a relationship per se.  I like it because it easy to say as well and
>once I've introduced people to it, I can say it of someone and be
>understood.
I've always like "friend with access" or "friend with
benefits" (as in the Alanis Morrisette song).  Not as easy to say as
"FAL", but, hey, I work in the computer industry: I don't need more
acronyms in my life.
---

--bgz

--
Ben Zimmer
http://benzimmer.com/

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