(fairly) new (but unlisted) "benefits"

[Dan Goncharoff]

Just wondering: wasn't "benefits" often used in feminist writing to
refer to what women received in exchange for sex? Might have been an
influence on the "friend with benefits" phrase.

DanG



On Fri, Aug 5, 2011 at 12:46 PM, Ben Zimmer
<bgzimmer at babel.ling.upenn.edu> wrote:
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> Sender:       American Dialect Society <ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU>
> Poster:       Ben Zimmer <bgzimmer at BABEL.LING.UPENN.EDU>
> Subject:      Re: (fairly) new (but unlisted) "benefits"
> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
>
> On Fri, Aug 5, 2011 at 12:13 PM, Ben Zimmer wrote:
>>
>> Perhaps the polyamorous community holds the missing link. From Usenet again:
>>
>> ---
>> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.personals/msg/7c4bf0b0b5c24aa0
>> alt.personals, Apr. 6, 1996
>> We are a Portland Couple looking for a single female. We are
>> looking for someone to meet, get along with, have great times
>> with, and fullfill Fantasies. The fantasies fullfilled will
>> include yours. ...
>> We are not really interested in meeting couples, or having The
>> female half of a couple participate, while the male looks on.
>> This is not an ad for just sex, as we are looking for a friend as
>> well.  I guess you could say, "A friend with Benefits"
>> ---
>> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.polyamory/msg/15314ef25d2a380e
>> alt.polyamory, Aug. 5, 1997
>>>A term that I have used off and on in the past that has served me well
>>>is FAL.  Friend And Lover.  It's pretty descriptive of when a good
>>>friend is also someone with whom I share sex, but with whom I'm not in
>>>a relationship per se.  I like it because it easy to say as well and
>>>once I've introduced people to it, I can say it of someone and be
>>>understood.
>> I've always like "friend with access" or "friend with
>> benefits" (as in the Alanis Morrisette song).  Not as easy to say as
>> "FAL", but, hey, I work in the computer industry: I don't need more
>> acronyms in my life.
>> ---
>
> One more from alt.polyamory, indicating that "friends with benefits"
> joined up with the similarly euphemistic "friends with access" and
> "friends with privileges" (however spelled), independent of Alanis:
>
> ---
> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.polyamory/msg/5b5128bb07bcc0a9
> alt.polyamory, Feb. 22, 1996
> : It is just a matter of definitions and time:
> : one-night-stand: sex for a night
> : sex friends: sex for two+ nights (that was good, i want some more :)  )
> : dating: i guess emotional involvement, though i've been somewhat fuzzy on
> : the exact definition ever since friend and sexual friend and dating began
> : to overlap....  now i just give up on labeling unless it's clear...
> *smile* once it becomes something more than once or twice which we call
> hooking up, we've taken to using phrases like "fuck buddy" (a tad vulgar
> but fun), "friends with access" or "Friends with priveleges".  my
> personal fave is friends with access...
> ---
>
> --bgz
>
>
> --
> Ben Zimmer
> http://benzimmer.com/
>
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