Forms of Address: Final Summary

[Kerim Friedman]

First of all, I want to thank everyone again who responded to my inquiry.

I should clarify that my primary research topic is NOT forms of address, although I am now quite interested in looking further into this issue. My research is on language policy in Taiwan (a copy of my dissertation proposal is available on my web page for those who are interested <http://kerim.oxus.net>). In this post I summarize the key points made by people who responded to my query, and at the bottom is a bibliography I have put together of references on address forms. I have arranged responses by topics without the names of the contributors, but I do want to give proper attribution to the contributors as a group: Scott F Kiesling, Helen Faller, Harold F. Schiffman, Esther Hyunzee Kim, Ana Maria Martirena, John Thiels, Kristine Fitch, Susan M. Ervin-Tripp, Debbie Walker, Carol Anne, Russell Kelly, Tina Cavaluzzi.

Thank¹s again. - Kerim


PS: Today¹s (Nov 28,1999 - ³Hey, Mister! You¹re No Comrade²) NY Times had an article about the declining use of the word ³Comrade² as a form of address in Mainland China.


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SUMMARY of RESPONSES

(1) Strategies reported to avoid revealing ignorance:

>>>I tend to use "um" as a way to start a sentence when I need to address someone I don't know. Or I might say "hi" or "hello" and flash my biggest smile. In the street, I never say sir or mam, nor do I address people by profession. Instead, I simply say "excuse me."

>>>I have actually used buddy when I don't know someone's name as well as a term  of friendly greeting for acquaintances and some friends I do know (hey there  buddy)

>>>I tend to draw out my "hi"s,  making them longer and possibly showing more warmth to (make a poor attempt  to) cover up the discomfort of not being able to say the name.

>>>calling just about every one "dear"

>>>i usually introduce myself, hoping for a similar response, or "hi...i'm sorry, i don't know your name."  these are for a more social situation.

>>>in more formal/sevice-type situations, i might say just "excuse me" to get people's attention without using a name or form of address.


(2) Deliberate use of no-name:

>>>(deliberate use of no name, either because you're not on a first-name basis, but don't want to use Title and Last, or something else; or because you don't know the name...)

>>>I don't dare use "babe" because it would be IMHO sexist on my part;  I did the other day say to a woman who was pushing to get past me as I got off a SEPTA train "I'm gettin' off too, HONEY" which sort of surprised me.  (I think this was "ironic" or sarcastic "honey" which I sort of find justified, but otherwise I wouldn't use it.)

>>>Another point is that when people are irritated they may use different words,

like "Get out of the way, lady"

or "Get out of the way, buddy."

Not to speak of more insulting address terms!!

>>>In other settings, 'tone'can be an important consideration. How you might you a form of address like : "Are you all right?" - inquiring of someone's needs or about their troubles (See John R. Lee and Gail Jefferson on Troubles telling) - will be 'toned' approptiately to the addressee, e.g. more gently and softly to a young girl from an older man, more ofrthrightly and formally from man to man, and gradations in between. Again the appropriateness of the 'tone' is not measurable in the sense of the gradation but only in the sense in which it is responded to as having been an appropriate way to ask. It is a classic ethnomethodological problem in that members try it out and what follows demonstrates that other members 'categorise' the address and its addressor as the right thing to have done, there, then, to that addressee.

>>>famous examples from congress -- the esteemed congressman from georgia, or my esteemed colleague.

(3) Age, Gender, and Regional Differences:

>>>Here in the Delaware Valley I (not native to the area) hear such address forms as "buddy, babe, pal, honey, hon', dear" but these are usually non-reciprocal, i.e. people may address me that way but I tend to not use them back.  Example: clerk in hardware store tells me the price of my item:  "that'll be $49.32, Babe."  I wouldn't dream of calling her "babe" for fear of sexism.  Workmen often address me as "buddy" even with Title and Last Name.  Lots of issues of "who speaks what to whom, when and where" here, dependent on gender, age, etc.   I might use "mister" (or "miss" or "ma'am") with people I don't know; I've used "driver" to address a taxidriver.  I could imagine myself addressing a driver also as "Mac" or "buddy".

>>>I have heard people address little girls as "honey" or "sweetie" and little boys as "little guy" or "big guy" or "pal" but I think of small people addressing elders as "auntie" as more typical of another era, or another culture (e.g. India).  In novels depicting other societies it's always weird to hear/read something like "little mother" or "little father".  On a chinese soap opera subtitled in English I saw in Singapore somebody addressed an older woman as "old auntie" but this would never happen here.  If Ma'am or sir is not appropriate then we get no-naming.

>>>maybe our culture, with its value on individualism, prefers addressing by name, whereas some other cultures, with less value on individualism as on collectivism, prefer addressing by generic address terms?

>>>I reserve "sir" for  visibly older men and "ma'am" for much, much older women...Miss is still  possible for younger women.

>>>I think there is more sociolinguistic variation here than is easily detected  by self-reports, which from linguistically oriented people may not be  representative;  Southern patterns may well tend to be different from the  Northern self-appointed standard; specifically some people still use "sir"  and "ma'am" for people they do not know regardless of group membership (I do;  perhaps the Army usage generalized from the high number of Southern recruits  in the Army).  Social class may play a large role as well, although the  "service industry" is not only one place.

>>>I'm from Texas and it's very common there for female service people, even youngish ones (25-30 up) to address female customers as "hon" (or "honey") and in the same breath address male customers as "sir."  I never noticed while I was growing up; when I go back there now, of course, it drives me nuts.

>>>my son uses the term "dude" as an address term, which is inconceivable to me.

>>>You posed a question re addressing children.  I find with young children I often seem to use pet names, especially when "disciplining" - "sweetie don't run near the pool like that", "honey, be careful with that".  With preteen children and older, I find I often use young man or young lady, "Excuse me, young man, where's the restroom?"

>>>peaking as a 40+ female grad student, in the past I would address an older child I didn't know (if, as in your example they dropped something, or the like) as 'kid'. I'm not sure how appropriate that would be now, but most 'kids' would not have a problem with it, I am sure. (regarding your number 5)

>>>I use the utmost deference for much older people, so aunty would not seem appropriate to me, I'd just use Miss, Ma'am, or Sir, for the elderly. If I do not know the female's marital status, I'd say Miss, because, in the older generations, I believe, that would seem more flattering. To someone my own age or younger, I'd probably forgo the title, and go with 'excuse me', or whatever.

>>>With waiters, I would sometimes avoid that appellation altogether, for fear of sounding rude, and just say "excuse me" to get his or her attention, so I agree basically with your #4. (I would use 'nurse' or 'doctor' myself as well.)

>>>[From England]
Blue collar workplaces tend to have constructions like "Oy, You" where the direction-toward indicates the recipient who might recognize and pick up the call-sign or ignore it.

With boy-children, "Sonny" is a familiar English usage.

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BIBLIOGRAPHY (About 90 references to forms of address, not necessarily dealing with the problems addressed in this thread.)

>>>  I would always begin with Harvey Sacks' dissertation, In Search of Help: No-One to Turn To, where Sacks talks of nominal categorisation devices. Rod Watson's (or D. R. Watson) wealth of publications frequently refer to matters of categorisation.

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________________________________________________________
P. KERIM FRIEDMAN
			Anthropology, Temple University
			<mailto:kerim.mail at oxus.net>
			<http://kerim.oxus.net>
________________________________________________________