Schwarzenegger on Advisory Board of U.S. English

[Harold F. Schiffman]

For some inexplicable reason, this announcement calls to my mind a
humorous tidbit from The Onion, VOLUME 31 ISSUE 09 12 MARCH 1997
**************************************************************************

WASHINGTON, DC The U.S. Grammar Guild Monday announced that no more will
traditional grammar rules English follow. Instead there will a new form of
organizing sentences be. <p>

U.S. Grammar Guild according to, the new structure loosely on an obscure
800-year-old, pre-medieval Anglo-Saxon syntax is based. The syntax primarily verbs,
verb clauses and adjectives at the end of sentences placing involves. Results this
often, to ears American, a sentence backward appearing.

"Operating under we are, one major rule," said Joyce Watters, president of the U.S.
Grammar Guild. "Make English, want we, more archaic and dignified sounding to be, as
if every word coming from the tongue of a centuries-old, mystical wizard, is."

Brief pause Watters made then a. "Know I, know I," said she.  "Confusing sounds it,
but every American used to it soon will be."

<p> At a press conference recent greeted warmly the new measure by President
 Clinton was.

"No longer will we adhere to the dull, predictable structure of our traditional
grammar system. This nation will now begin speaking, writing and listening to
something fresh, exciting and different,"  said Clinton.

<p>

"Excuse me," added he pause long after a. "Meant I, the dull, predictable system our
traditional grammar of adhere to no longer will we. Speaking, writing and listening
to something fresh, exciting
 and different will this nation now begin."

<p>

This week beginning, America across, all dictionaries, thesauruses and any other
books or objects with any sort of writing upon it or in it revised to fit the new
syntax will be. Libraries assure people wish to that the transition promptly begin
will, but that patient people should be, as so much to change there is.

<p> "Feel good it will make people to know for all these changes that, librarians
cold, crabby and as paranoid and overprotective of their books and periodicals as
ever remain will," said Yvonne Richter, Director of the Library of Congress.

<p> The enthusiasm of government officials despite, many Americans about the new plan
upset are. "Why in the world did they do this?" a New Canaan, CT, insurance salesman,
said Brent Pryce. "There's absolutely no reason. It's utterly pointless and will
cause total chaos throughout the country, not to mention the fact that it will cost
billions of dollars to implement. And what's this U.S. Grammar Guild, anyway? I've
never heard of it." <p>

When of this complaint informed, government officials that they could not
the man's words understand said, because of the strange, unintelligible
way of speaking he was.


On Thu, 14 Aug 2003, Maggie Ronkin wrote:

> Just a tidbit ...
>
> Schwarzenegger is on the Board of Advisers of U.S. English:
>
> http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/articles/A53646-2003Aug13.html
>
> Maggie
>
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