LL-L 'Customs' 2006.11.02 (3) [E]

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L O W L A N D S - L * 02 November 2006 * Volume 03
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From: Johannes "Jonny" Meibohm [jonny.meibohm at arcor.de]
Subject: AW: LL-L 'Customs' 2006.10.31 (01) [E]

Dear Gabriele,

you wrote:
> Anyway, if I told any of my children (aged 13 through 22) that I love
> them,
> they would laugh their heads off. Why would I have to? They have always
> known, and they also know it is not going to change. They would just think
> I've gone soft in the head in my old age. People in my family (which
> includes good friends, too) are very close, we look out for each other,
> talk
> often, and do whatever we can for each other. If anyone actually went
> round
> saying, "I love you", "I appreciate what you did for me", "you're so
> wonderful", etc., we would probably feel mocked and devaluated. And it
> would
> be awfully embarrassing for everyone.

I grew up in a family like this, and I didn't miss anything. I still hate the
hackneyed phrase 'I love you', no matter which language it is used in.

But- I had to learn that people and in special children are different. My older
sons (19 to 25) only used it occasionally when they were very young (perhaps up
to the age of 7), though I never encouraged them. But- their mother did, and she
had grown up in a family of icy coolness; so she obviously had a greater
requirement for affirmations like these.

My youngest son (12), who was more or less deserted by his mother in the age of 4
and mainly grows up under my care, still often uses "Ich hab' Dich lieb!" and
demands a clear, spoken and shown feed-back.

I had to learn that nothing is wrong to communicate in this open, direct way
instead to hope, all people in your next surroundings will understand everything
without words.


And what about dogs or any other animals living close to the family? They
regularly need good, tender words and often directly demand 'Streichel-Einheiten'.

Gabriele, you studied Biology yourself and set your main interest in behavioural
sciences. I think it's aspected as a matter of fact that most of the animals
living in social communities (extremely developed amongst wolves and wild dogs)
for many times at only one day affirm each other very clear their solidarity and
'love'.



So- our shyness might be a result of education, and this again influenced by
puritanism and formal-religious shapes dominating during the last 4 or more
centuries (with some interruptions in special times and social classes).




Liebe Grüße

Johannes "Jonny" Meibohm

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From: Luc Hellinckx [luc.hellinckx at gmail.com]
Subject: LL-L 'Customs'

Beste Ron,


You wrote:
> So their definition of _Kanal_ differs from mine. I disagree, considering that
> the almost any narrow water passage can be a _Kanal_, such as the British Channel
> (_Ärmelkanal_ "sleeve canal/channel").
>

Aah...the British Channel, "La Manche", the sleeve. I won't argue about
whether it's a canal or not, but mentally the gap is sometimes wider
than the Atlantic Ocean methinks. The last few days, a lot has been
written on this list about expressing gratitude versus taking things for
granted. One good example of a differing philosophy in this respect is
Thanksgiving. It's still quite an important festival these days in the
US, and Great-Britain also seems to have something of a Harvest
Festival, but here on the continent it's no longer very popular.

Sure, in the past, somewhere around mid August, farmers used to have
their "Halfoogst", celebrating the end of harvest, but the festival
itself hasn't grown into a secular holiday. Which brings up questions,
"Why is American Thanksgiving soooo late?" "And why has a festival with
clear religious origins (thanking God for harvest) become secular in the
US; where the Establishment Clause of the First Amendment precisely
tries to separate state and church?"

More about the religious background (including the so called "day of
humiliation"!) of the American festival can be read here:
http://www.plimoth.org/learn/history/thanksgiving/fastandthanks.asp

In Germany an "Erntedankfest" can still be observed, but it never became
an official part of the Roman-Catholic church year: "Das
heilsgeschichtlich orientierte Jahr der Kirche kennt kein
Ernte-Dankfest", Rupert Berger wrote in one of his books.
Rupert grew up in the same town as Joseph Ratzinger (present pope),
attended the same seminary and both were ordained at the same ceremony.
Rupert did not join the "Hitlerjugend" however.

Kind greetings,

Luc Hellinckx

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