More humor

[Dean Worth]

I personally don't find it interesting, funny, or scary. But then I come
from a time when my best friend in Moscow was beaten to death by the secret
police. While you are chortling at these jokes, bear in mind that this
humor still drips blood. Dean Worth


At 02:40 PM 8/9/00 -0500, you wrote:
>I got this from one of my friends. She got it from someone else. No name of
>the author was inticated but judging by the spelling, the stuff was written
>by a Brit.
>
>Those who have been to Russia recently might find it interesting and funny.
>Those who have not, may find it scary.
>But this is only humor. Enjoy!
>
>YOU KNOW YOU HAVE BEEN TO RUSSIA TOO LONG WHEN:
>
>* You don't think things are that bad right now.
>* You have to think twice about throwing away an empty instant coffee
>jar.
>* You save table scraps for the cats living in the courtyard.
>* When crossing the street, you sprint.
>* You let the telephone ring at least 4 times before you pick it up
>because it is probably a mis-connection or electric fault.
>* You hear the radio say it is zero degrees outside and you think it
>is a nice day for a change.
>* You argue with a taxi driver about a fare of 30 rubles ($2) to go 2
>kilometers in a blizzard.
>* You actually know and CARE whether Spartak won last night.
>* You win a shoving match with an old Babushka for a place in line and
>you are proud of it.
>* You are pleasantly surprised when there is toilet paper in the WC at
>work.
>* You notice that Flathead's cell phone is smaller than yours and
>you're jealous.
>* Your day seems brighter after seeing that goon's Mercedes broadsided
>by a pensioner's "Moskvich".
>* You are not sure what to do you when the "GAI" (traffic cop) only
>asks you to pay the official fine.
>* You wonder what the tax inspector really wants when she says
>everything is in order.
>* You are relieved when the guy standing next to you on the bus
>actually uses a handkerchief.
>* You ask for no ice in your drink.
>* You know seven people whose favorite novel is "The Master and
>Margarita"
>* You change into tapki (slippers) and wash your hands as soon as you
>walk into your apartment.
>* You drink the brine from empty pickle jars.
>* It doesn't seem strange to pay the GAI $2.25 for crossing the double
>line while making an illegal U-turn, and $35 for a microwaved dish of
>frozen
>vegetables at a crappy restaurant.
>* You are curious as to when they might start exporting Baltika beer
>to your home country.
>* You remember how many kilos you weigh - but forget how many pounds.
>* You see a car behind you with flashing lights and think it's some
>politician
>* The sellers at the rynok start calling you by your patronymic only
>* You bring your own scale and calculator to the market to make sure
>the amount you are charged is correct
>* You never smile in public when you're alone.
>* You know the official at the metro station/airport/border post/post
>office/railway station etc. etc. is going to say "nyet", but you argue
>anyway.
>* You get wildly offended when you are asked to pay at the coatcheck
>* When the word "salad" ceases for you to have anything to do with
>lettuce
>* You get excited when the dentist smiles and has all his own teeth
>* You judge the strength of your local Mafia clan by the availability
>of Planters Cheese Balls
>* You voluntarily take a stroll in the park, Baltica beer in hand, on
>a sub-zero day
>* When you realise that all the above and the other messages on this
>subject posted here are what you love about Russia, that you've been
>here long enough to feel at home and wonder whether you'll ever be able to
>fit
>* You laugh at Russian jokes
>* You actually get these jokes
>* You actually spend time writing these jokes!
>
>
>With compliments,
>
>Pavel (Paul) Samsonov
>EDAD, College of Education,
>Texas A&M University
>tel. (979) 862-7771 (lab)
>      (979) 862-9152 (home)
>fax (979) 862-4347
>e-mail p0s5658 at acs.tamu.eduback in in the old country....
>
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