Poetry?

susan mssmith at BOONE.NET
Wed Dec 29 23:30:34 UTC 1999


great poem!
Susan

----------
> From: Kim & Rima McKinzey <rkm at SLIP.NET>
> To: ADS-L at LISTSERV.UGA.EDU
> Subject: Poetry?
> Date: Tuesday, December 28, 1999 2:29 AM
>
> Got this from a friend.  Now don't go and quibble about some of the terms
-
> or some of the rhymes - or some of his attitude, but he certainly spent
> some time on it.  Rima
>
> Pack It In!
>
> By Geoff Nunberg
> Language Commentary, "Fresh Air," (Nat. Public Radio)
> December 20, 1999
>
>
> Before we start on the carousin'
>
> On the eve of year two thousan',
>
> Let's clean out our linguistic closets
>
> Of their detritus and deposits,
>
> The babble, balderdash, and bugs
>
> That rankle underneath the rugs
>
> With solecisms, slang, and slag,
>
> And sweep it all into a bag.
>
> Then, as the afternoon gets late,
>
> Let's gather on the Golden Gate,
>
> And with one stroke, bold and defiant,
>
> Make English Y2K compliant.
>
>
> Let's clear out our congested cargo
>
> Of business cant and corporate argot.
>
> We'll ditch proactive for a starter,
>
> And "We don't work harder, just work smarter"
>
>
>
>
> Lose sight of visions, goals and missions,
>
> And pitch out value propositions.
>
> Synergistic or synergetic? --
>
> Either one gives me a headache,
>
> And the concept of convergence
>
> Is in need of some submergence.
>
> Consign restructure to the void,
>
> And downsize should be redeployed.
>
> At least, the next time we get canned,
>
> We'll know exactly where we stand.
>
>
> Let's lose "win-win," that favorite phrase
>
> Of all the Harvard MBA's,
>
> And cast on the outgoing tide
>
> The box they like to think outside,
>
> In hopes that in the coming age,
>
> We'll all be on a different page.
>
>
> It wasn't very long ago
>
> The Internet was comme il faut,
>
> And only the most avant-garde
>
> Had @-signs on their business card.
>
> But now that even aunt Estelle
>
> Has got herself a url,
>
> And Vinnie at the barber shop
>
> Made millions on his first-day pop,
>
> We've reached the point where talking geekish
>
> Is starting to sound so last weekish.
>
> Emoticon and digerati
>
> Aren't worth a wooden zloty.
>
> To portal we can give the gate,
>
> Mindshare will do for tuna bait,
>
> And since you asked, IMHO,
>
> Those email acronyms should go.
>
>
> And ere the sun sets, let us jettison
>
> Newbie, netiquette, and netizen,
>
> Nor should we miss this opportunity
>
> To deep-six "virtual community,"
>
> e-this, i-that, and without qualm,
>
> Let's unplug everything.com.
>
>
> On literary critics' patois
>
> I think we must declare a fatwah;
>
> It's hard to part with hegemonic,
>
> But in the end you'll find it tonic.
>
> Think how much groovier texts are rendered
>
> When they're just sexed instead of gendered,
>
> And curling up at bedtime, who wants
>
> To be holding something nuanced?
>
>
> Of that chic expression "pomo,"
>
> I'd just as soon that we heard no mo',
>
> Nor any others of the host
>
> Of vocables prefixed with post-.
>
> We seem to be, for all our fears,
>
> Still modern after all these years.
>
>
> I'm sure that ages hence will honor us
>
> If we stop cooking up new genres,
>
> Let's spare the coming centuries
>
> Prequels and rockumentaries,
>
> And pause not even for a comma
>
> Before discarding "docudrama."
>
> And ere the clock chimes, let us vow
>
> That critics twenty years from now
>
> Will earn themselves an instant wedgie
>
> Whenever they use "taut" or "edgy."
>
>
> Before we can put on our nightcaps,
>
> We've other words to feed the whitecaps:
>
> Let's leave off calling rumors "buzz,"
>
> And blow off anyone who does.
>
> "Wake up call" has gotten thin --
>
> Next year we'll all be sleeping in.
>
> And anything you feel like sharing
>
> Kindly offer to the herring.
>
>
> And as we're chucking out the dross,
>
> Make sure we don't neglect to toss
>
> Those interjections, coy and clever --
>
> Like "Let's not go there," and "whatever!"
>
> (And while we're at it, do I gotta
>
> Even mention "yadda yadda"?)
>
> Arrivederci to "ExCUSE me";
>
> You simply no longer amuse me.
>
> Farewell to "Duh!," and, apropos,
>
> Let's say buh-bye now to "hellO?"
>
>
> Now as we watch the century go out,
>
> There's only one more thing to throw out:
>
> Let's cast onto the coastal shelf
>
> The word millennium itself
>
> (I'm glad to bid that one adieu --
>
> The fact is that I never knew
>
> If it should have one n or two.)
>
>
> And as night falls on the Presidio,
>
> Let's all go home and watch a video,
>
> To pass the century's final hour
>
> (That is, assuming we've got power).
>
>
>
> END
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