LL-L "Levity" 2004.07.23 (05) [E]

[Lowlands-L]

======================================================================
L O W L A N D S - L * 23.JUL.2004 (05) * ISSN 189-5582 * LCSN 96-4226
http://www.lowlands-l.net * lowlands-l at lowlands-l.net
Rules & Guidelines: http://www.lowlands-l.net/index.php?page=rules
Posting: lowlands-l at listserv.linguistlist.org or lowlands-l at lowlands-l.net
Server Manual: http://www.lsoft.com/manuals/1.8c/userindex.html
Archives: http://listserv.linguistlist.org/archives/lowlands-l.html
Encoding: Unicode (UTF-8) [Please switch your view mode to it.]
=======================================================================
You have received this because you have been subscribed upon request.
To unsubscribe, please send the command "signoff lowlands-l" as message
text from the same account to listserv at listserv.linguistlist.org or
sign off at http://linguistlist.org/subscribing/sub-lowlands-l.html.
=======================================================================
A=Afrikaans Ap=Appalachian B=Brabantish D=Dutch E=English F=Frisian
L=Limburgish LS=Lowlands Saxon (Low German) N=Northumbrian
S=Scots Sh=Shetlandic V=(West)Flemish Z=Zeelandic (Zeêuws)
=======================================================================

From: Ben J. Bloomgren <godsquad at cox.net>
Subject: The lunacy of English

This is a funny piece about the oddities of English. Enjoy!

----- Original Message -----
From: "Bloomgren, Kary" <kary.bloomgren at honeywell.com>
To: "'George Gohde'" <thegohd at cox.net>; "Rhodes, Larry"
<larry.rhodes6 at honeywell.com>
Sent: Friday, July 23, 2004 6:37 AM
Subject: FW: Tang Toungueled

> KARY BLOOMGREN
>
> I don't get my tang tongueled often, but.....
>
> English spoken here ...
>
> If you've learned to speak fluent English, you must be a genius! This
little treatise on the lovely language we share is
> only for the brave.  Peruse at your leisure, English lovers. Reasons why
the English language is so hard to learn:
>
>                    1) The bandage was wound around the wound.
>                    2) The farm was used to produce produce.
>                    3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more
refuse
>                    4) We must polish the Polish furniture.
>                    5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.
>                    6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the
desert.
>                    7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought
it was time to present the present.
>                    8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.
>                    9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
>                    10) I did not object to the object.
>                    11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.
>                    12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.
>                    13) They were too close to the door to close it.
>                    14) The buck does funny things when the does are
present.
>                    15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer
line.
>                    16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to
sow.
>                    17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail
>                    18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.
>                    19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.
>                    20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.
>                    21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?
>
>                   There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
>                   English muffins weren't invented in England or French
fries in France.
>                   Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't
sweet, are meat.
>                   Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a
guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a
> pig.
>                   And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing,
grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
>                   If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of
booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one
> moose, 2 meese?
>                   Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not
one amend. If you have a bunch of odds and ends
> and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or
an end?
>                   If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
>                   If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a
humanitarian eat? In what language do people recite at a
> play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have
noses that run and feet that smell?
>                   How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You
> have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can
burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in
> a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.
>                   English was invented by people, not computers, and it
reflects the creativity of the human race,
> which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are
out, they are visible, but when the lights are
> out, they are invisible.
>
>
>                    P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

==============================END===================================
* Please submit postings to lowlands-l at listserv.linguistlist.org.
* Postings will be displayed unedited in digest form.
* Please display only the relevant parts of quotes in your replies.
* Commands for automated functions (including "signoff lowlands-l") are
  to be sent to listserv at listserv.linguistlist.org or at
  http://linguistlist.org/subscribing/sub-lowlands-l.html.
=======================================================================