LL-L 'Anecdotes' 2007.01.27 (01) [E/S]

[Lowlands-L List]

L O W L A N D S - L - 27 January 2007 - Volume 01

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From: Sandy Fleming <sandy at fleimin.demon.co.uk>
Subject: LL-L 'Anecdote' 2007.01.26 (06) [E/S]

>From the Book of Scottish Anecdote, edited by Alexander Hislop, seventh
edition, 1888:

OUT OF HIS DEPTH

John, the pawky "man" of the Rev. Mr Aiken, of the parish of Morton, had
a strange preacher officiating in what he called his "poopit" one
Sunday. As the "man" thought that no minister could preach like his
master, he was not favourably disposed towards the substitute. The text
had been given out, and the minister had been for a considerable time
talking at his subject, and beating about the bush with it, when an old
woman, who, from a "want" of hearing, had not heard the text, applied to
John for information in these terms—--whispered loudly in his ear—-
-

"Whaur's his grund, John, whaur's his grund?"

"Grund!" replied John, with a look of contempt; "he has nae grund,
wumman--—he's soomin!"

pawky: sly
poopit: pulpit
whaur: where
grund: a biblical
text serving as a background to a sermon
nae: no
soomin: swimming

GUID OMENS

West wind to the bairn
When ga'an for its name;
And rain to the corpse
Carried to its lang hame.

A bonny blue sky
To welcome the bride,
As she gangs to the kirk
Wi the sun on her side.

guid: good
bairn: child; baby
ga'an: going
lang hame: long home; eternity
kirk: church

CHALMERS' PUNCTUALITY.

The punctuality which reigned over the domestic regulations of Dr
Chalmers was sometimes not a little inconvenient to his guests. His
aunt, while living in the house, appearing one morning too late for
breakfast, and well knowing what awaited her if she did not "tak the
first word o flytin," thus diverted the expected storm--

"Oh! Mr Chalmers," she exclaimed as she entered the room, "I had such a
strange dream last night; I dreamt that you were dead."

"Indeed, aunt," said the Doctor, quite arrested by an announcement which
bore so directly on his own future history.

"And I dreamt," she continued, "that the funeral day was named, and the
funeral hour was fixed, and the funeral cards were written; and the day
came, and the folk came, and the hour came; but what do you think
happened? Why, the clock had scarce done chapping twelve, which was the
hour named in the cards, when a loud knocking was heard within the
coffin, and a voice, gey peremptory and ill-pleased like, came out of
it, saying,

"Twelve's chappit, and ye're no liftin!"

The Doctor was too fond of a joke not to relish this one; and, in the
hearty laugh which followed, the ingenious culprit escaped.

flytin: a war of words; scolding

chap: to chime
gey: extremely
no: not
liftin: getting up out of bed

A CURE FOR CHIN-COUGH

Formerly in Scotland a person who rode a _pyat_ or pie-bald horse was
supposed to be endowed with a supernatural power to cure the chin-cough.
I recollect a worthy friend of mine, who rode a horse of this
description, told me that he used to be pursued by people running after
him out of every village and hamlet through which he passed, bawling,
"Man wi the pyatie horse, what's gude for the kink-host?" "But," he
added, "I aye gied them a prescription that I was shuir would do them
nae harm. I bad them gie the bairn plenty o sugar-candy."

aye: always
gied: gave
shuir: sure

DRUMLANRIG CASTLE

This magnificent edifice took ten years in building, and was not
finished till 1689, the year after the Revolution. Tradition relates
that William, the earl and first duke of Queensberry, expended upon it
such enormous sums of money, and during the only night that he ever
passed within its walls, was so annoyed at not being able to obtain
medical advice, to relieve him from a temporary fit of illness, that he
abandoned it in disgust, and afterwards folding up the artificers' bills
for erecting it into a sealed parcel, wrote upon the latter, "The deil
pick oot his een that looks herein." It would he interesting to know
whether this sealed packet, with the terrible malison superscribed
thereon, ever was opened by some daring descendant, and, if so, whether
any particularly remarkable consequences resulted.

deil: devil
oot: out
een: eyes

A QUESTION ANSWERED

A rather mean and parsimonious old lady called one day upon David
Dreghorn, a well-known Glasgow fishmonger, saying, "Weel, Maister
Dreghorn, how are ye selling your half salmon the noo?"

David, being rather in a cross humour replied, "When we catch ony half
salmon, mem, we'll let ye ken!"

the nou: at the present time
ony: any
ken: know

WONDERFUL CURES

1562. At this time divers great and uncommon cures having been performed
by Robert Henderson, a surgeon, by order of the Council, viz., on a
person whose hands were cut off, a man and woman run through their
bodies with swords by the French, and a woman (said to have been
worried) after she was buried, and lyen two days in the grave; for which
extraordinary performances the Council ordered him the sum of twenty
merks, Scottish money.

merks: marks

FOLLOWERS

Tradition tells of an old minister in our own country, not of the
brightest parts it may be be supposed, who, in discoursing from some
text in which the word "follow" occurred, informed his audience that he
would speak of four different kinds of followers.

"First," said he, "my friends, there are followers ahint; secondly,
there are followers afore; thirdly, there are followers cheekie for
chow, and sidie by sidie; and last o a', there are followers that stand
stane-still.

ahint: behind
afore: before
cheekie for chow: cheek by jowl
last o a': last of all
stane: stone

A STRANGE TENURE

Sir Henry Munro of Foulis holds a forest from the Crown by a very
whimsical tenure--that of delivering a snowball on any day of the year
that it is demanded; and he seems to be in no danger of forfeiting his
right by failure of the quit-rent, for snow lies in the form of a
glacier in the chasms of Ben Wyvis, a neighbouring mountain, throughout
the year.

Sandy Fleming
http://scotstext.org/
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